What does it mean to be an “It” girl? To be so magnetic and confident that both women want to be like you and men want to be inside you. It takes more than a pretty face and a slim waist line to inspire lust. It takes more than ass and designer clothing to inspire other women to want to emulate you.
When you walk in a room do people turn and say “eww, she looks cheap,” or do they think “how can I copy that?” Are you the kind of woman that gets noticed even in sweat pants and messy hair or are you just a pedestrian, a background extra, no one will remember two minutes later? Be honest! Your energy is forgettable, your aesthetic is mid, and you aren’t living in power as the main character of this story! You have to do extra shit to get men to pay attention to you when dating and when you do manage to get into a relationship you put up with a bunch of bullshit to make some fuck boy happy.
The moment a man lays eyes on you and sees how you react to him he can tell if you’re a Pick Me or Chase Me. Based on your last few situations you know what category you’re in. Be real with yourself, you don’t know the first thing about having power over males. You don’t feel strong, you don’t think you’re enough, and you don’t know how to make men work to earn you. That changes right now!
There’s a saying: You’re not unattractive, you’re just broke. People will point to old pictures of celebrities, Instagram models, or some rapper’s baby mamma and say “See, money took them from 5’s to 10’s overnight.” That’s bullshit. If you’re walking around thinking that hitting the Powerball or getting child support from DJ Lean In My Cup, is a prerequisite for being a sexy, confident, and vibrant bad bitch then you don’t understand the assignment. I’ve talked about Spartan Confidence for years, but today I’m going to touch on a subject I’ve only shared with a handful of women. Feminine energy is real. It attracts, it hypnotizes, and it elevates. To tap into that feminine alchemy you have to see life through the eyes of the enemy– Men.
Today I’m going to break down how to upgrade your aesthetic, instantly so that you enter 2023 the baddest bitch that’s walking the face of the earth.
Don’t Want To Be That Bitch— Become That Bitch!
Are you a leader or a follower? Are you a Spartan or a Basica? Are you a Pick Me or a Chase Me? I don’t give a fuck about what has happened in your past, but from this day forth, I want you to understand your worth. No more looking on IG and saying, “Ugh, she’s so pretty. I wish I looked like that” There is no comparison. You are pretty, you are worthy, and you are wanted! Spend less time admiring the lives of others and more time giving yourself the flowers you deserve for being “that bitch.”
Having the kind of confidence that speaks loud AF without you having to say a word is a hell of a flex.
They’re talking about what they bring to the table— you’re busy being the table
They’re talking about what other people did— you’re busy doing
They’re looking for someone to make them happy— you find that every time you look in the mirror
These peasants aren’t on your level.
Those women who never ask to be picked but stay getting chose >>>
Don’t affirm that, don’t believe it, know that you are her and she is you, and you will no longer live in the shadow of “maybe I’m not good enough.” You are more than enough, and going forward, you will make everyone see that you’re built different. Today is about self-awareness and becoming undeniable. Let’s begin…
Step 1: The Visual Trick All Men Fall For
Go to your phone and look at the last picture someone took of you. Now ask yourself what makes you stand out? Every woman has a superpower trait, that one (or multiple) aspect of her body that draws the most attention. Lips, eyes, thighs, etc… you have to be aware of what you’re working with in terms of default attraction. In that picture that someone else took, and that’s the key, “someone else” because when others capture you, they aren’t trying to get your best angle, nor is it as staged as a selfie. When you’re not filtering your photo, you get to see how you appear to the world at first glance. You have beauty naturally. Know that. The problem is you’re most likely not highlighting that beauty. You’re simply covering it up with gimmicks to the point where you don’t actually look like your natural self.
Here’s some insight into the male mind, we’re impressed by the shiny things. The gold wrapper syndrome is when a man chases after the brightest thing in his field of vision and upgrades your total beauty based on that. Ladies, you are harder on your looks than men will ever be. You pick at physical things that won’t matter to the man that will one day marry you because you think it’s preventing a man from marrying you—see the catch-22?
Let’s say that a handsome, loyal man who just relocated to your city for work happens to be walking into the same restaurant as you and your girlfriends. He catches a glimpse of your amazing lips, all glossed up, and you give him a slight smile that tells him you also see him. That man now has you on his mind and either introduces himself on the spot or waits for a good time inside to approach you or buy you a drink. Does that man ever notice you without your lips looking like a sparkling glossy heaven? Let’s say it’s winter, and your body is mostly covered up, so your face card was the only thing you could work. Even bundled up you have to be ready to intoxicate a man with those other features! By highlighting the most standout part about your face, you sucked that man in to the point where he had the courage to talk to you. That’s how chance meetings happen. “I saw her, and it was love at first sight,” Nah, homie, you saw a part of her that inspired lust and gave chase. That’s what we as men do when you come off with the right first impression. Most of you aren’t thinking about these things. You just go out, not caring about the small details, and get ignored. You spend all your free time trying to kill yourself in the gym or diet yourself to death, when all it takes for the average woman to land a quality man is to stand out by highlighting her look in a small yet powerful way.
What exactly should you highlight about yourself and why? Not all men fetishize the same body parts or body types, but we are all guilty of being stunned at first glance, no matter if you’re not our typical type. For instance, have you ever seen a guy scroll social media? I’ve seen multiple friends do the same thing, scroll past Kardashian-looking IG girls in various poses, and stop when something stands out from the pack—and that’s usually a color. That girl has the same slim waist and fat ass as all of the other women on the explore page, but she’s wearing yellow instead of black, so he stops and studies. A group of friends are all in a video, but it’s the one with the comic book bright lipstick that his eyes move towards. It’s all a visual trick, where color bursts signal to the brain that she’s different. In nature, colors exist for a reason, and our brains haven’t evolved beyond this basic concept of certain shades invoking certain feelings, mainly curiosity. Highlight your eyes in lips in bold colors, and a man will take notice and be hypnotized by you like a toddler watching a Cocomelon video. It’s that simple.
Step 2: The Art of Being Soft
Trauma makes you hard emotionally. It’s difficult to be demur, carefree, and faux submissive when you have to be guarded and strong 24-7. That hurt has to go to soften your projected personality. I’ve written about that a lot before and I go really deep into softening your mind to attract positive relationships in the new Unicorn Delusion: Manifest Edition. What I want to address here is the physical representation of what softness looks like in a woman. “I just want to throw on something to hurt these hos feelings and snatch these men’s souls,” says the Basica who goes out to sit and play on her phone while babysitting a drink. Showing more skin and wearing all that designer on designer isn’t hurting shit but someone’s eyes! Soft is all about how you wear an outfit, and the image it then gives off to masculine men that you are a feminine woman. It sounds easy, but this is probably the hardest step because most of you only have two modes of dress, going to Target or going to the club. It’s time to recognize the psychology behind what tells a man’s brain “I want to take care of her” versus “I want to fuck the shit out of her”.
Any woman can buy a dress from Shien and eyeshadow from Sephora, but not every woman can command the same attention when she steps into a room wearing that dress. The woman makes the dress, right? But do you understand that, be honest? A soft aesthetic is all about playing up your girly side more than the sexual side to invoke the feeling in men that you’re a damsel, not a sex kitten. Go on social media, and you’ll see that same tight stretchy dress that has the cleavage out and that a woman has to keep pulling down because it rises up every 40 seconds. Not to say that it isn’t sexy or doesn’t make a man stop and stare, but it’s giving AVN Porn award, not “look at little baby who I want to honor, cherish, and take care of.” Hardcore sex will never trump Soft demur woman.
Why “didn’t he come over to talk to me” because everyone can see your nipple through that dress, and he’s sure he’s going to have way too much competition to take you home tonight. That other woman can have that same dress on, but know that she should pair it with a cute jacket so the girls aren’t exposed and wear bright heels so that they draw attention to her legs and toes, not her ass. She’s selling “tease,” not “pussy on a platter,” and that’s one of the most essential mind fucks when it comes to men. We want the perception of class.
When Asha Christina was on my podcast, she spoke of balancing her clothes. If the cleavage is out, the dress is long. If the skirt is short, the top is more covered. This is all done to draw attention to one part of the body and not overly sexualize yourself. This is a basic dog whistle to men—”look here, be curious about what’s going on in the other parts of my body.” That’s male psychology 101.
Pick your clothing to draw attention to one area when you do basic errands outside the house. Pick your lip gloss in a way that allows a man to see your lips, even if they’re tiny, from a few feet away. In the real world, guys are constantly looking that you don’t even notice and each time you step outside, there is a chance for a serendipitous encounter with a dude that could end up being the great love of your life. Ask most couples who met out and about what attracted them to one another. The man will most likely say it was something she was wearing, the way her eyes sparkled, or the style of her hair. See, all this money is being spent trying to reconstruct how you look when in reality, you already have what these men want. You just aren’t dog whistling in the right way. Understand your look, know how to highlight it, and you will silently draw attention, always.
Step 3: The Secret Power of Feminine Hygiene
If you look good, then you need to smell good. Hygiene isn’t just taking a shower and throwing on deodorant. Ladies, it’s okay if you’re not a perfume type of woman or if no one ever taught you the art of attacking a man through all of his senses. I’m about to give you a crash course. The most important rule is to always be fresh. I get it. You’re not going anywhere, so you grab a pair of yoga pants from the floor to grab a coffee. No one’s coming to your place, so your room can be chaotic. Fuck that. Clean your ass, always! Clean up behind yourself because that smell can linger. If you keep your space clean and fresh, you eliminate the chance for anything you wear carrying some residual smell that isn’t appealing. My favorite comment that my wife made about this was, “if you ever had to go into the woman’s room, you would understand that most girls stink.” Some of you have friends you have had to check because they get in the car smelling like ass and Cheetos. Laugh all you want, but you may be that stank friend no one calls out. Don’t be one of those funky hos who thinks she smells fine because she doesn’t sweat much, no Mildewrella. Human skin exposed to the elements can’t help but trap some kind of grossness.
Why didn’t he call you back after the date? Maybe your breath was hitting him with the Cobra Kai sweep all through dinner. Why did he sleep with you and then ghost you? Maybe your pussy sounded like mac n cheese AND smelled like it too. I’m not trying to smell shame you—fuck that, yes I am because many of you date like you’re a 17-year-old boy with a pissy dick and musty balls because he’s too lazy to wash. You’re a woman, not a teenage boy, have some pride in how you smell and understand that cleanliness is a sign of character! I don’t care how cute you are. No man will keep dating you once he discovers that you don’t care about your hygiene. How are you going to be a wife taking care of a household when you can’t even take care of your armpits?
Get a signature scent. Experiment with different oils, sprays, or perfumes until you find one you can wear daily and a few you bring out on special going out occasions. When a man is close enough to smell you, and the scent you picked out smells like everything a pretty girl should smell like, it puts all attention on you. Guys are thirsty, and if he likes the smell, he’s going to want to taste, and at that moment, you have him reeled in.
Constantly refresh your scent throughout the day. You have those big ass bags for a reason, to store the things you need to always leave the best impression. Your breath should be checked constantly, don’t assume anything. You’re at a brunch getting tipsy, some cute guy intercepts you going to the bathroom and starts flirting, and your breath smells like eggs and orange juice. That’s going to be a short conversation. Even if you’re not a girly girl by nature, take some pride in how you always present yourself outside the house.
Step 4: Elegance Vs. Ratchetness
How you speak to people you’re getting to know tends to differ from your friends. However, the mask many of you wear on dates to seem classy and well-put together unravels by the middle of the meal because you’re unaware of your true ratchetness. You can’t help how you were raised or how you speak. This isn’t about accents. It’s about conversation topics and tact. The moment you start drinking and start coming off as mannish or sexual, you’re exposing yourself as basic, not someone who could one day have dinner with his mother.
You don’t need charm school courses to know the basics, so let’s keep this simple: Cursing isn’t cute unless you’re dropping 16 bars on a song. There is no reason to go on these dates “fuck this, shit that.” The funniest scenario I can remember is that one of my super hood friends took this girl out, and he was blown away because she spoke lightly, didn’t curse, and told the waiter please and thank you throughout the meal. This was a hood dude who came into new money, so he wasn’t refined or polished himself, but the woman he was looking for needed to come off as elegant because that was proof of class.
Yes, men love ratchet type women and have fun with them, but the ideal woman will always have the elegance that he himself strives for. A man becomes successful. He buys a luxury vehicle. Why? Because it’s a symbol of status. An elegant woman is also a symbol of success because any random man can attain “pretty” but a true trophy has to come equipped with class. No successful man wants to plan a nice date and hear, “this motherfucking service is whack in here, bro.” Watch how you talk and eliminate mannish words, no profanity, no “Bro,” “on peroidt” “On Gang,” or any hood or masculine words. Sounding like your homeboy or brother doesn’t make you seem cool. Parroting the slang of female rappers, doesn’t make you a City Girl, it makes you seem unrefined. Speak like a woman that belongs on top.
In terms of flirting and sex talk, again, establish boundaries by not following a man into the gutter. Of course, he will test you and try to make everything sexual. You laugh that shit off, tease that a lady doesn’t kiss or tell, or wink and say, “maybe one day you’ll find out.” Once he knows you talk nasty, he knows that he can get you to do nasty things… then he proceeds to lose most of his respect for you and sees you as a sex object not a woman of class and stature. Again, being rough around the edges isn’t a deal breaker for short relationships, but men don’t want to actually be with those women, they’re almost embarrassed. Not understanding how you’re coming off is a quick way to become a one month fling or the girl he just keeps away from others because he’s ashamed. Establish a presence before you start to introduce your other side. That’s not faking who you are. That’s protecting your image. A man needs to earn the casual side of you over time. Project elegance, be soft in your conversation, and you will stand out from the next chick who “bro’s” him to death.
Step 5: The Confidence That Attracts
An “it” girl may draw you in with her looks, intoxicate you with her smell, and hypnotize you with her words, but it takes one last ingredient to take her to that next level—confidence. When you’re confident, it shows in your energy, literally. Being secure in your skin is X-Factor that most of you are missing. If you could act around these men like you act around your best friends or family members, they would think you’re the funniest, wittiest, coolest woman alive, but they don’t because you come off half-scared to be yourself. When you freeze up and overthink how others see you, your energy dials down, your vibration lowers, and you make everyone around you a little awkward because they don’t know what to say because you’re giving mixed messages.
A bad date isn’t a cartoony hell date where everything goes wrong. A bad date is between two people who are compatible but who don’t connect because the vibe is off due to nerves or insecurity. You could have blown this guy’s mind if your self-esteem were set to “I don’t care what he thinks. I’m going to have fun tonight and let go of the anxiety.” But you can’t just turn that switch because several things most likely make you freeze up on dates or in groups. You can’t blame it on being an introvert because even introverted people can come alive when the time is right. If you’re ever going to be a true “it” girl who gets chased, you need to believe in who you are at the core.
“I’m an imposter, who would ever really like me,” needs to become “I’m that bitch, and I’ve been that bitch. I don’t care what anyone thinks when I walk by.” Confidence trickles down to the other steps. How can you wear bold colors when you’re afraid of attention and don’t want to draw eyes to you? How can you get to the point where you can get asked out on luxury dates where you show off how elegant you are if you’re afraid to even talk and joke with the opposite sex? You belong in the room, you are the centerpiece, and that nervous energy you feel should covert into elation, not fear. You don’t have to be Cardi B Loud or Lady GaGa bold. You simply have to move out of your own way so that when you speak, it isn’t filtered by “what if they don’t like me?” Remind yourself that you are a Spartan, that you’re worthy, and eventually, the words you say to convince yourself will become truths that you no longer need to remind yourself of, as it becomes as automated as breathing air.
The Total Package
What turned Norma Jean into Marilyn Monroe? It wasn’t a bottle of blonde dye. It was her ability to understand the five steps above to create a character that would make her an icon. Highlight your body with the right clothes, scent, and makeup. Master the art of being soft in both your look and your speech. Have the courage to throw caution to the wind and be your most confident self even around strangers. Even if you’re faking it or throwing on an act like Marilyn, it won’t matter in the long run because before anyone figures out it’s an act, you will have already secured your spot. You will have gotten the types of men you want and instilled the level of confidence you need to take your relationships to the next level. Most “it” girls are women just like you who simply strategize better. You should be that girl these guys pray to god for. You should be that girl that other women screenshot to show their hairdresser. You should be the girl that gets chased, not the one that waits around to be picked! Follow these steps, practice over the next few weeks, and by the next month, watch how your life changes.
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