Work dick is better than Tinder dick.

Ancient Ratchet Proverb

I get it. You’re in the middle of a drought. There’s no one on the apps, your DMs are dry as fuck, and the only person banging down your door is maybe a dusty ex… Without any viable options you start to look for connections in familiar places and with people that have been off limits up until now.

That guy at work who was just “okay” is looking kinda fine all of a sudden and he just broke up with his girl… That new guy at the gym who always uses the machine next to you has been making little comments and suddenly looking like a snack… Maybe it’s someone at school who you never looked at “that way” until now, or even someone in your friend group whose personality has grown on you over these past few months. Don’t lie. Every time you see that person now, you start to tingle. At night your mind starts to obsess with “should I” and while that logical side of you is unsure, that sexual and hormonal side is ready to RISK IT ALL… Mama is ovulating and ANY of these fools can get their souls snatched!

No matter who is suddenly on your radar, the main question becomes: Should you cross those boundaries… and how do you cross those boundaries in a way that won’t make things awkward?

There’s a saying, “Don’t shit where you eat,” in the world of dating, it’s often seen as off-limits to date someone you have to see often. What happens if everyone at work finds out? What happens if you were friends before or in a some kind of social group and you have a falling out? What happens if this was your personal trainer, and you just fucked up months of fitness gains for a dick you no longer want? At the same time there are examples of people who got married to that work husband or gym guy. But think about your life, not others… Is it ever worth upsetting the balance of your life by blending two worlds– the romantic with the professional or personal?

Let’s be real, 90% of you reading this do not care about the “what if” because when it comes to lust and a lack of options it’s worth the risk. So, I’m going to give you some insight on how to navigate this world to get what you want and how to hit reset if it doesn’t work out… the last part will be the most important.

First off, let’s start with a little break down of how easy it is to get these types of men who you already know or see all the time to approach you (respectfully) and fall deep in lust to the point where he wants to devour your pussy face first (disrespectfully). My mission is to make sure YOU have the upper hand going in to this kind of situation, and aren’t doing this in a shy or weak way that will get you played or used. Understand that men who you see often have ALREADY been paying attention to you on the low and his brain has been playing the “what if” game that we do with any woman that’s not blood related– would I fuck her… would I be with her… and most importantly should I go after that. The object is to do little things that dog whistle towards these thoughts until a man lands on Yes. Yes. Fuck Yes!

Who To Target & How

“I don’t think he likes me like that,” whines the Basica, who has no idea of how to pussy whip a man without giving up the pussy. I’m going to show you how easy it is to stand out and enchant a man who is privileged enough to see you often, BUT you have to get out of your own head when it comes to who you can and can’t snatch—no man is out of your league. If you don’t believe that, then stop reading now.

Male Psychology is crucial when it comes to this level of dating. If you’ve read my books, then you know how much time I spend breaking the bad habit of assuming a man thinks with your logic or transparency. We don’t. Males are lust-based, which means they always look at the physical first and the other more essential qualities later. However, this isn’t about dating guys you randomly meet out and about or even on the apps; first-impression tactics aren’t needed here. The fact that these men have gotten to see you repeatedly creates a different type of lust, a rising feeling (pun intended) that any savvy woman can exploit to make that targeted man extremely attracted to her in a short time. I’m going to go through a list of men and places you may meet them and show you the best way to attack and conquer.

Apartment Guy

If you live in an apartment or condo, you know that any time you get on the elevator is an opportunity to meet a man who could end up being your future husband… or stalker. There are two kinds of Apartment Guys: The Tenant and The Visitor. The Visitor or guest of someone who lives there is a much safer bet, but you won’t run into this kind of guy as often as the tenant. Women who end up meeting the Visitor are most likely Spartans who think fast and don’t mind shooting their shot because they know the odds of running into him again are slim. For those of you who aren’t quite at the Spartan level, the Tenant is much easier. He has a routine that you can learn, adapt, and quickly become “elevator friends.”

How To Attack: Stand Out. Let’s say you’ve seen this guy in your building twice and have only said “hi,” that’s it. He hasn’t said anything back that shows you he’s interested, and you’ve left it at that, while secretly having a crush on him. Get your head in the game. Don’t think that he’s not into how you look. As I said earlier, men who see you constantly are constantly sizing you up in terms of how sexually attracted they are to you. The reason for not flirting or pushing for an extended conversation could be numerous, but who gives a fuck? It’s always in your power to change a man from unsure to thirsty. If you only see this man during a particular time or day, come up with a plan and ensure that the next time you run into him, you’re going to be dressed like a fucking Spartan.

Your hair, your makeup, and your scent should all be seductive. I don’t care if you’re a nurse in scrubs going to a shift or about to run to the market in sweats. Whatever you can control in terms of beauty, amp that shit up. What this does is make him see you in a new light. The last time he saw you looking raggedy with your hair a mess because you were in a hurry. This time, I want you to come serving like it’s the Rennaisance Tour. Men are easy! Watch and see how his “hey” becomes more excited or how he begins to chat you up this go-round.

Break The Ice: You must take it from the “hi/bye” stage to having an actual conversation. If one of you has a dog, that’s an easy conversation to start by mentioning the pet. If you haven’t seen them that many times before, then that means he’s new to the building or could be a visitor. This is your chance to ask, “Did you just move in?” Which leads to all kinds of conversation points. If he’s wearing something that hints at what he does for a living, be inquisitive. If something happened in the building or the news that day, it’s an easy ice breaker to say something along the lines of, “Did you hear when the fire alarm went off?” or “What did you think of the Trump mugshot?” These things show this man that you aren’t mean or closed off because you have a man who may be around the corner. Men create these anti-social fantasies when we first meet a woman because we don’t want to get rejected. Recognize that icebreaking isn’t about chasing a man. It’s about showing him that you’re receptive by simply being friendly.

Extend The Conversation: An icebreaker conversation on the way to dump trash, go to your car, or while waiting for the elevator can escalate quickly. You can tell a man’s interest level because he will say something like “I’ll ride down with you” or “I’ll help you” because he wants more time with you. Other times, there may not be any time, and it may not be obvious that the icebreaker worked in your eyes. If he wants to extend the conversation and you have time, keep letting him talk. You’re imprinting yourself on him. If there is no time, then recognize that the door is now open to be more casual when you see him again. Just because the conversation ends without out much sparks, doesn’t mean your icebreaker didn’t work, you must be patient.

Remember what you were talking about the last time because when you run into him the next time, you have to keep building that vibe. “I was just thinking about what you said about—” or “How did XYZ work out from last time?” You don’t have to rush this step. You’re slowly getting to know this man the right way, not jumping into a number exchange. Your goal should be at least two more conversations after that initial icebreaker conversation. First meeting, an icebreaker. The second meeting, extend the conversation. Third conversation: Now it’s time to seal the deal.

The Kill Shot: You met Apartment Guy and talked about his job and how he can’t wait for a vacation. You told him some of your favorite places and vibed off that. The next time you run into him, you ask him how work is going and if he was able to schedule his vacation time yet. He will lament that he hasn’t and maybe joke around with you about some other things. The third time you see him, it’s now super casual. You know each other’s names and are happy to see one another. Regardless of what is talked about, it’s time to go in for the kill by testing the deeper waters of interest.

Your goal is to exchange numbers under the cover of either the conversation topic or the fact that you are neighbors. “We never get to finish our talks. Take my number and text me so that I have it.” Or “I keep meaning to get your number. I don’t really talk to my neighbors and should probably have someone around here in case of an emergency.” I’m using these two examples because these are real examples that I have told women to use in this scenario. They both worked out for those women because the thing about men is that they don’t refuse phone numbers.

“But what if he has a girlfriend? Should I ask about his relationship status after the icebreaker?” There you go, being filled with sugar and spice instead of fire and ice. Fuck his relationship status at this point. You’re not fucking him. You’re testing the waters. All you need to know about his love life comes after this step. If he texts you and wants to converse, he’s single and looking or taken but looking to upgrade. If he doesn’t text you or text you back after you hit him with, “This is such and such from the elevator, lock me in,” then this isn’t a relationship that will progress right now.

Stop overthinking what a man has going on because guys are constantly in flux. A guy who knows that his relationship is about to end will open that door to you quicker than a Love Island contestant in Casa Amor. A guy who is still trying to work things out with his girl will keep it casual because you are now his next up. So even if you don’t start dating, he’s elevated you as a dream girl whom he can circle back to one day. Why do men move on so fast after breakups? Because we are constantly setting up the next potential the moment our feelings start to dry up for whoever we’re with. Use this to your advantage.

Gym Guy

This is the biggest target for many of you. Whether you’re constantly in the gym getting tight or starting back with new motivation, you’ll be surrounded by some of the finest men in your city. If you have a type, you’ll spot at least one in the gym. But where do you even start!? Most often, the Gym Guy will be the aggressor. The combination of adrenaline from working out and a high opinion of his body is the perfect mixture needed to make a man confident in shooting his shot. The two most aggressive men any woman will meet are broke dudes at a gas station because they have nothing to lose… and you have a car, and guys at the gym who are juiced up. However, if the men you want aren’t coming over to flirt with you first or if you’re dealing with someone you hired on as a personal trainer, the ball is in your court to make it happen.

Break The Ice: Just like Apartment Guy, your first move will be to become casual acquaintances, but unlike the Apartment Guy, you have a built-in conversation starter—working out. Men love to explain shit to women. Use his ego to suck him into your world and make him think you’re not a Spartan, but just some soft damsel he has a shot with. If the guy you like usually lifts, then walk over and ask a question about what weights to start with. If he’s on a cardio machine, ask which speed he recommends. Of course, this turns into “what are you looking to work on,” which then breaks into various conversations from there.

If this is a Personal Trainer you’re working with each week, then it’s even easier as you don’t need to approach and break the ice, it’s more about finding ways to blur the lines between professional and personal. Your initial goal is to take the conversation from training tips to his personal life. How long has he been a PT? Does he live close by? What school he went to, etc…

Extend the Conversation: Each time you see Gym Guy after that initial icebreaker, he should grow warmer, and the conversations should last longer. Remember to study my book Date Like A Spartan! Your job on dates is to keep a man talking about himself, so he can snitch himself out without you having to guess or assume. The same rule applies when extending the conversation, you want to be the ear that listens to him brag, vent. or overshare. You learn more by listening to a man talk about his life than you do listing your own credentials. Yes, there are tons of attractive women at the gym, but he is developing a personal connection with you each time you stop to chat before or after a workout. He may even try to become your workout buddy, just so he can keep talking because you’re making the gym time go by faster.

When it comes to your Personal Trainer, the conversation doesn’t extend so much as build, which is why it’s important not to rush this. After three or four weeks, even if you only train once a week and text your diet schedule, the inside jokes should set in, relationship conversations should be had, and you two should become damn near friends after a month of training together. If you aren’t becoming casual, then you haven’t truly broken the ice. Why does this matter? Because he earns money from you, his bond must be airtight if he’s going to consider risking losing a potential client. Most PTs are constantly tempted, but why don’t they break for every woman? Because men believe in M.O.B. (money over bitches) unless that woman can come off as much more than some bitch. Laughing and flirting while he goes over leg day isn’t going to change that, you really have to use the time you have to go deeper and deeper about all aspects of his life. The more he trusts you, the more likely he is to say, “fuck it, she’s worth it.”

Kill Shot: I’ve gotten so many gym stories over the years, and the feedback has mostly been the man asking that woman out quickly after breaking the ice. Why? Because when a man’s fear is minimal he gets cocky and goes for it. The moment you begin to talk to a man, let’s say three times a week at a gym or any other place where you’re that close and exposed, he gets comfortable. The lust weighs on him, he’s feeling the vibe, and they can’t take it any longer so they move like a man should. 9 out of 10 times, the man will shoot his shot in this scenario, BUT I want you to be prepared in case he doesn’t. “He doesn’t like me or thinks I’m fat because he hasn’t said anything after a month of chatting at the gym,” There you go again, listening to the weak bitch side of your personality. In all these cases, the main reason for a man not to cross the line and ask you out first is the very reason why I felt a need to write about this topic—it often doesn’t work out and they’re left in an awkward position. It’s not that he doesn’t like you, he’s simply debating if he should because he doesn’t want to deal with the fallout. At this point, you must go in for the last proof that you’re worth it—take it outside of the gym environment.

It amazes me that so many of you don’t recognize how easy it is to transport a man from on the fence to on your clit with a simple statement. “Here’s my number.” The fear that you’re experiencing and why you constantly want a man to ask first is because you don’t have the words to say this without feeling like you’re chasing or in a way that there is zero risk of rejection. Fuck fear. The way you dress this up is to come up with a reason for giving it to him at this point. “You probably won’t see me around for a few weeks because of XYZ. Take my number down.” Or “I’ve been meaning to get your number so we can have each other’s workout schedules,” Men aren’t that stupid. The moment you give your number or want to get his number, the “I could probably fuck” bells go off, and he now realizes that you are most likely interested.

From that point, it’s up to him to do something with that number, and if he doesn’t, oh well! He probably has a situation, and you’ll keep it gym-friendly going forward until something changes. If he does use the number, then it’s off to the races.

Going back to the PT, this requires a little more finesse as you already have his number and probably text him about your workout plan. In this case, you have to put your big girl Fentys’ on and propose hanging out. The way you set this up is to lay the groundwork in terms of food and places that he recommends. For example, if you’re talking about healthy foods, ask him about the places he goes to. He’ll probably list a couple of restaurants. If you take that a step further and say, “Where do you usually take your girlfriend out to eat healthy, but is still romantic?” And he blushes, that he doesn’t have a girlfriend, then you can switch it to “So where would you take a girl on a first date,”

What you did with that conversation was explore his personal life in a noninvasive way, and then also get intel on how he dates. Two weeks later, if you mention at the end of the session, “So when are you going to take me to (insert name of the place he mentioned), or is that breaking the rules?” then you put on him the spot. This is a bold line of conversation, but it’s built upon weeks of laying the foundation. In that moment, he will either let you know that he can’t do that, or he’ll take the bait and ask when you are free. Either way, you get the answer instead of secretly liking someone and trying to guess their feelings.

Friend of a Friend

There are platonic friends whom you never even think about touching, then there are the friends of friends whom you see when you go out in a group or at parties. These guys could have been around for years, or they could have recently started hanging out. The point is, you are friendly, but it’s not to the point where they are in a true friendzone. So how do you isolate them, and see if there are sparks?

One of my good friends was in a long-term relationship, and during this relationship, he started to take her to Game Night with some friends. They played DnD and other geeky-type games. After she broke up with her boyfriend, she continued to go as that was her only outlet during this depression, but he stopped going as he didn’t want to run into her anymore. One of the guys in the group heard about the breakup, but he didn’t pursue it. She took me to lunch one day and asked how she should go about getting him to take her out, as she’s an extremely shy person.

I told her what I’m going to tell you now. When you already know someone, there are no games to be played, you must make your attraction known. Since she was a Game of Thrones fan, I used the analogy that she’s the fucking Mother of Dragons, and he’s nothing more than some peasant that she could have with the snap of her finger. Find your confidence! She did just that and came up with a reason to need a ride back to her place, on that trip, she told him that he was the only person in that group she would ever think about dating. He damn nearly lost control of his car because he didn’t think she liked him at all. That was years ago, and they now live together in his condo, rent-free.

If you have someone in your circle, it’s as easy as isolating them so you can talk alone and tell them that you’re open to hanging outside of the group. “We should do something on our own,” isn’t hard to get out, even if you’re shy. These men have looked you over. They know your personality, and I’m sure you know their relationship status or can ask someone else in the group instantly. Out of all the relationships, this is easy to turn into a romance because you have built that foundation already, you just have the courage to get some alone time.

Work Guy

This is the big one. How do you shoot your shot in a professional setting and not make a complete fucking mess out of your work environment? Let’s look at two examples. New Guy and Work Husband. The Work Husband has been there long enough for you to have a solid and casual relationship, you joke and laugh, and have a deep understanding of each other’s personal life—relationship status, kids, etc. The New Guy is an unknown entity as he has just come in, and you’re just getting to know how he rolls. Both types have their pros and cons, but going at them isn’t all that different.

Divide and Conquer: If you want this relationship to stay private, then it has to start private. Don’t wait until you’re all having drinks after work to start flirting in view of everyone, and don’t go to your co-workers telling them your plan. Work gossip will spread quicker than a Māui fire if you’re not careful. You don’t want this to be some high school shit where people are passing back messages, nor do you want to have your girlfriends at work cornering him like, “When are you going to take my girl out?” That shit may seem like an easy and clear route that saves you from being direct, but it’s immature and puts too many people in your business.

Instead, pick your spots where you can begin getting closer at work. This isn’t icebreaking or extending the conversation, but it has the same idea—building a friendship. The only time I’ve seen work relationships graduate and not crash and burn later is when the friendship was established first. Have lunch together, yes, people are watching, but it’s not out of the norm. Establish a private happy hour after work. No, these aren’t dates, it’s just a private space where you can continue to build a friendship away from the people you work with. Finally, get into the habit of phone calls. “I’ll call you tonight, I have to tell you about such and such.” Talking shit about people at work is always safer on the phone. No, he’s not a woman who wants the daily tea, but you can use work talk as a cover to have a phone conversation where you can start to discuss personal things about each other as well.

Everything should be on the table, who you’re dating or were dating, but don’t tell on yourself too much. The things I wrote in the book about being a bit of a mystery still remain. Of course, the true agenda of these private conversations is always to get that man comfortable enough to expose who he is so the mask is off before you even consider dating. The more he can trust you, the sexier you become. The more you can trust him, the safer the situation becomes.

Lay The Ground Rules: The best thing about private conversations is that you can lead them to the shores of lake and “What If…” This is where you dip your toe in the water with one important question, “If we were to date, do you think we could keep it quiet at work?” or even more directly, “How would you think we would be in a relationship?” By asking this as a hypothetical, you get all the worries and fears out on both sides. You’re not making a choice, but you’re playing it out in real-time with real emotions.

During this conversation, you two should go back and forth about how it would work and what would be expected in terms of boundaries. If you liked what you heard, admit, “I think we should give it a try.” Once again, the ball is in that man’s court to either run with it or drop it. If he doesn’t think it’s a good idea, he’ll tell you this the moment you start down that line of conversation. The fact that you got to the point of wanting to give it a try means he’s already been receptive to the idea, so, of course, he’s going to agree to give it a try, he’s already talked it up in his head as not only being possible but safe.

Do’s And Don’t of Dating

The Spartan Dating rules still apply to EVERYONE you will ever take an interest in. Relationships don’t end badly because of where you meet someone. They end badly because you don’t set boundaries and lower your standards to make it work in the first place. These men are not an exception; they must still be scrutinized and vetted, or it will end like any relationship built on a weak foundation of trash dates, fast sex, and poor communication.

If you’re hard headed enough to date someone in your apartment complex, house dates are out of the question. The most you should ever do is go over to his place to tour it—briefly. The moment you let that man know that you’re Stairwell Pussy, what do you think happens? That fool is going to text “WYD” followed by “Come down, I’ll order something.” Next thing you know, you’re taking a quick shower, throwing on your slides, and racing down the hall to get dicked down over Chinese Food and Tubi. I don’t care if a man lives next door or long distance, never lower your standards to the point where sleepovers replace dates. He needs to take you out, stimulate good conversations, and continue to learn you at a pace that shows that he respects your boundaries.

If you’re dating someone you met at the gym, don’t try to suddenly lay claim to him so every rival chick takes notice. Basic bitches feel the need to kiss in mixed company, stink-eye women who a man interacts with, and make comments about what a guy shouldn’t be doing because he’s in a relationship. Becoming a clingy prison guard will turn that man against you, so find some chill. The same shit you two have been doing at the gym together and separate needs to continue. What happens when you become the “gym couple” and then break up? Then everyone knows your business. It’s too early to bring that energy. Take it slow, continue working out as if you’re not dating, and separate church from state, so to speak.

If you’re dating a friend in a friend group, the worst mistake you can make is to distance yourself from the group because you want them all to yourself or because you’re afraid everyone will find out. Just like the gym, keep up appearances. Once you’re in an official relationship, then tell your friends, but while you’re in the dating stage, play it safe and private.

I could fill a phone book with the “Don’t” of dating at work, but the most important step is to stick to the rules you defined before you started dating. People will find out, your boss may become aware, or you may have to tell human resources, so it’s not about being totally private but being respectful in that environment.

I worked on a TV show where the accountant and Transportation Captain were married, but you would have never known it. He never came and sat at her desk or loitered having conversations with her. The only tell sign was when her car was in the shop, and they rode to work together. Of course, they met on a show in the past and cultivated that relationship, but they proved what the formula was for a healthy balance, keep home life at home and work life at work. If someone at work flirts with your man, you handle that at home. If you’re angry at each other, handle that at home. If you want to kiss, do it off the clock. Adult relationships require discretion not blasting shit on front street like some insecure bird.

Escapism

I’m rooting for your relationships to work no matter how they start, but I’ll never blow smoke up your ass or sugarcoat the reality of this level of dating. It most likely won’t work out. Some of you may try to hold on because you don’t want to be embarrassed or feel awkward in those places where you first met, but fuck that. The moment you feel unloved or that the relationship isn’t giving what it’s supposed to give, you must walk away.

Yes, you’ll have to get in the elevator with that Apartment that didn’t work out, but you can handle it. Even if he is holding hands with his new big booty girlfriend, and that triggers you, I know you can be the bigger person. Stop running from discomfort, if this wasn’t some abusive or dangerous relationship, then there is no need to move apartments or sell your condo, you simply learn to get over it and take in the lessons of that affair. The same thing applies to the gym, don’t stop going at the time you want to go because he may be there. You’re there to work on yourself, so pop your earbuds in and do the fucking work while pretending that man doesn’t exist. It’s over, no need to be friendly or to keep talking about the past. Get in, get out, and eventually, he’ll fade into the background like that old elliptical no one uses.

If you’re dealing with a friend group situation that’s going south, then do what my friend did, set up rules for hanging out until it’s far along enough where you can stand to be social around each other, and if that’s not possible, then you’ll have to find a new avenue to hang out with those people away from your ex. Don’t make your friends choose that’s not power that’s fear, and we don’t succumb to that in Sparta.

Work relationships are the hardest to escape from, depending on your position, it could be damn near impossible to keep working with them. If this was a supervisor, then everything he does can seem like revenge, or if you’re above him, he could try to accuse you of things. We’ve all seen what this looks like when exes bring their bullshit to the workplace. To keep the peace, communication must be there between the two of you, there can’t be cold turkey—you’re blocked or don’t speak to me. The same way you entered the relationship with rules, you have to now exit it with new ones on how to make this transition not seem bitter or violent. This is easier said than done, but it’s the only realistic option to keep the peace.

Wait!

My ultimate advice is that you shouldn’t shit where you eat. I find it hard to believe that any of these people you meet at these places are that special. Keep it real with yourself and ask, “If this person was at a random Target and tried to talk to me, would I have given them my time?” Most of these men aren’t that amazing, they’re enticing because they are accessible. There are so many men in this world, yet women tend to talk to two types: Ones that they already know somehow and men that come up to them first. “He’s not really my type but…” is what you say to justify settling for someone who’s within arm’s reach rather than holding out for what you really want who may be tougher to meet. If you want better options in the future, then that mindset must change, never date out of convenience.

If you’re in any of these situations, WAIT. He’s at your gym, and you have a crush, cool. But wait until you move on to another gym to go and exchange numbers. If he’s your trainer, wait until your sessions are done to text him that you should catch up over dinner. If this person lives in your apartment, wait until you’re about to move out to cross that line. If this is a work boo, then wait until one of you is moving on to a new company or being shipped to another floor or department to give it a try. If it’s meant to be, time won’t matter.