Cuffing season always brings me the best stories. The seasons change and people go from summer freedom to fall frustration, and all eyes are on trying to lock someone down for those winter holiday months. One of the little homies DM’d me asking about this girl we both follow on twitter, singing her praises and asking me to put in a good word for him. How would it make a grown ass woman feel for another man to go to her on a fucking app like, “hey, he likes you,” is what I got across to him. I gave him a few pointers, and told him to be a man about his, and that the worst thing she could say is “no”. He goes shoots his shot, gets her number, and comes back to me with his head held high. Jump ahead nearly two months and he DMs me again about how she stood him up after he took the Amtrak to see her, ignored him for a week after, then finally texted him, “you’re cool, but it’s not going to work.” You win some you lose some. But I was curious about how come he didn’t see that she didn’t really fuck with him months earlier. I asked a lot of questions about what they talked about on the phone. They never talked on the phone, they just texted for damn near two months. Red fucking Flag. Plot Twist, I actually know this girl deeper than being friends on an app, so I texted shorty for the inside scoop. Her exact words were, “NC, I just have text niggas that keep me company when I’m bored, it wasn’t that serious.” I then asked what would have/ could have made him graduate to being more than one of these “text niggas”. She didn’t know… Her stance was that she was looking for someone to stand out and while she’s gone on dates, even had sex in the past several months, no man has stood out, so she cuts them off and keeps adding new “text niggas”. Think about that for a moment.
People will only waste your time if you let them. The problem is no matter if you’re a man or a woman, if they come wrapped in the right shell—you let them. It could be a 6”5 Adonis dude that has you out here looking stupid, wasting the better half of a year talking about “you know I have love for you, I just need more time,” and your dumb ass lets him waste your time because of looks and potential. It could be a girl like my friend, super pretty, Instagram popular, that has you chasing after her for months knowing damn well she’s not in the right mental place to love anyone. Who do you blame? You blame your damn self for being so careless! “Reclaiming My Time,” is the most misleading statement ever. You can’t get a minute back from a user no matter how hard you cry foul. Often, the solution is to try and make the person that just wasted your time come back and treat you right, but that only leads to more wasted time. Understand that Time Wasters don’t change for people they never fucked with in the first place. Your “I’m different” ego refuses to believe all the words they were feeding you were simply lies or manipulation. Everyone chooses wrong at some point, accept it and stop looking for a do-over!
You wouldn’t be so sad and ready to give up if you treated your time, your phone number, your conversation, and the like, as if it were money. “I’m not doing anything anyway, and I hate to have a dry phone so let me entertain these fuck boys.” Some girls give out their number because they’re bored and want attention and some boys play the role as if they want something real because that’s the fast past to pussy. If you’re a man or woman that’s not into those types of games, you can’t ignore the fact that so many people are and you have to filter the real from the ain’t shit! How do you reclaim your time? You do the steps I’ve been outlining for years! I’ve even simplified them because this is getting way out of hand, but more on that at the end of the article… Right now, let’s circle back to that guy that DM’d me. Out of all the attractive women on twitter or Instagram he could have become smitten with, why did he pick the one that was a time waster? Why do men in general go after certain types of women, YET ignore the gazillion more that would have been way more compatible? Here you are, Single and dealing with lames, and the better male candidates don’t even look your way… let’s get into that part of male psychology first.
The Rob Kardashian Effect
Whose is it? Nearly every guy has grunted this question with full confidence that the girl he’s currently stroking will moan, “It’s yours!” But no matter if you have your hands wrapped around her throat, are making her climb the walls, or slowly pounding her into oblivion as she orgasms, the truth no man wants to hear is that it’s not yours, it’s hers. Fuck what level of dick game you bring to that bedroom, it’s her pussy and she will continue to do what the hell she wants with it. Fellas, be real, you won’t commit to a woman, yet you will fuck and treat her like she is yours exclusively. What’s going on in the male mind when he wants you to let other guys know you’re his, when he wants you to limit who you interact with on social media, and all that Christian Grey, “tell me it’s mine, bitch,” sex talk? Fear! Male insecurity is often tied to two things, money and loyalty. The same way there are women that need people to affirm that they are indeed pretty, men want affirmations that they are good enough for a woman to want them and only them. Why do so many men slut shame women that talk sexually or lose their minds anytime Ho Phases are promoted? Because that kind of attitude is a virus he doesn’t want to spread to the women he deals with because they may go exploring other men and realize she likes those other options more. I’ve heard guys soapbox on everything from SZA music, Fashion Nova outfits, and Instagram filters as gateway drugs to becoming hos and sluts. Control, that’s what it boils down to. Insecure men are deathly afraid that a woman they have or one they plan on having will stray, and they rage against whatever device they feel can cause this. The catch-22 is that despite this Hitler at Nuremberg anger, niggas still chose the opposite types of women from those they applaud as “good girls”.
Blac Chyna represents every man’s nightmare and fantasy wrapped into one. When Rob Kardashian started dealing with her, the consensus was, “He’s stupid,” but let’s take this from the realm of internet second guessing and put it into real life. The Blac Chyna’s of the world, meaning the aggressive, confident, overtly sexy women that men claim they don’t want, get attention more times than not from those same men. When it’s not in the public eye, when she’s just a girl you meet at a club or that flirty girl that gives you an eye fuck at the gas station, she isn’t a red flag, she’s a green light. There’s no one there to say, “watch out, she’s trouble!” At that moment it’s your eyes bulging, your dick hardening, and your blood pumping at the possibility of—I can probably hit that. What no one talks about is real life Do’s & Don’ts for men. We assume that males are hip to the game and no what girls to chase and what girls to ignore. Ha! There are multiple women reading these words that possess the quality traits that guys claim to need on their team, yet have been passed up for the glitzy sexual ones that men claim to hate. There’s a man sucking his teeth at the truth of these words because he knows he’s stuck in the friend zone with a girl that’s everything he says he loathes on the internet but worships in real life. Let’s. Be. Honest! If standards are: Hos on this side – Classy women on that side, then why do so many men sprint past the classy women and pick the side of the room that smells like unwashed bundles and titty sweat? It’s time to be honest about choices, and stop placing the blame on women. Far too many men aren’t thinking with the proper head, which leads them into situations where they get hurt. It’s not the woman’s fault, it’s your lack of wisdom and application. For every “trash female” there are exceptional ones that you also had a shot at, but didn’t take.
The term “good guy” is misleading, a guy can be good but still not bring confidence or charisma to the table. Simply being nice and respectful to women doesn’t get you a fast pass to her vagina, but to hear some men complain you would think it did. If you’re only being nice in a kiss-ass way so you can hit, then you’re not a “good guy” you’re an opportunist. It’s more important to be a Quality Man than a good guy. By quality I mean someone that isn’t a pushover, doesn’t suck up to women, and who has the confidence in himself to go after what he wants and not cry like a punk if he doesn’t get it. Women don’t want a lot from men, despite the sensational bullshit you read online. Be honest. Be secure. Be ambitious. Be emotionally transparent. Have some fucking balls and let your self-esteem shine through! No one teaches men to shut the fuck up, and go hard anymore, it’s all about finger pointing—If she doesn’t want you, that makes her a ho. If that job doesn’t hire you, that means they’re discriminating. If that professor doesn’t pass you he has it out for you. If you fail, give up. Where the hell have the real men gone, and when did this become a generation of boys that get in their feelings over every little thing. You claim to be savage, ride around bumping Future, but when your mask comes off, you’re a weak ass emo kid that’s battling depression with delusional beliefs, dark liquor, and cheap smoke. Those of you who don’t act this way no exactly what I’m talking about because you have one or several guys in your circle that act like bitches.
Simp City
To further prove this point I’m going to share an email. Usually I reprint some of the more insane emails I get (with permission) but this one is way too complicated so I’ll just do a summary of what happened when a guy and girl who were involved with each other both wrote in.
Sarah’s Email: The conundrum is over a local event promoter that Sarah was infatuated with. They were never official but they did share a few months earlier in the year that were amazing. This guy was everything Sarah was looking for, handsome, former college athlete, smart guy investing his money in her city’s club scene, no kids, and very Alpha Male in his swagger. In short, this guy turned Sarah the fuck out in the bedroom and mentally to the point where she was holding on to “this could be something special”. The problem was that after those 2-3 months of dating/fucking, Promoter Dick fell back and the word on the street (aka Sarah’s stalking intel) was that he was seeing another woman who had Eddie Murphy Boomeranged his ass to the point where Sarah wasn’t even worth a text back. She did mention that she had another guy who wanted to be with her, but he didn’t look the way she typically goes for nor was the chemistry there. Her overall questions as we went back and forth were “Should I settle or should I try to win Promoter Dick back.”
Mike’s Email: You guessed it, Mike was Sarah’s other guy. The against-type that just wanted to love and cherish her, but he didn’t understand why Sarah was playing hard to get. Since he knew Sarah was contacting me, he wanted my insight on what he could do to make Sarah see that he was sincere and not playing games. Mike described their relationship as full of fun, said they had great chemistry, and they would talk early into the morning several times a week—obviously Sarah never told him about Promoter Dick because this guy Mike had no clue that it wasn’t Sarah’s lack of trust, but another man that caused her to be uncommittable. I kept my mouth shut, as I’m no snitch, but I tried to gently hint that Mike may want to keep his options open and continue to date other women. He wasn’t hearing it.
Not So Happy Ending: In the end, despite my warning, they ended up in a relationship…that lasted all of a few months before Sarah got a late-night text from Promoter Dick who was on the outs with his Boomerang love. Sarah ran to comfort the guy she really wanted, and of course they spent the entire weekend fucking. Sarah broke up with Mike, only to have Promoter Dick grow bored with her once again and go off with a new woman. In the end Mike never knew why Sarah treated him like that, he just assumed that she had trust issues or something. Sarah never accepted that Promoter Dick never wanted her, and that he always saw her as just something to do. I would like to say that Sarah eventually got her shit together and Mike found a woman that wanted him, but neither of them did. I still occasionally hear from them and they still seek my advice only to go off and do the opposite of what I say. But that’s life. Men and women make bad choices every fucking day. That all stops now…
Reclaim Your Time
Dating shouldn’t be hard work, but it is, so accept that and treat it like a job. Girls that fall for club promoters, personal trainers, business owners, even pro athletes don’t fucking vet, they don’t prove to any of those guys they’re different from the rest of the Tina Typicals, they just go with the flow. Men that fall for big booty Judy’s or try to lock on to women that are still stuck on other men could easily avoid heartbreak, but they don’t date properly, they still date around like they’re 20, sloppy and cheap. Men and women that mean you no good are simple to vet, there masks easily removed, but only if you stop texting, start talking, and actually go on real dates where you force them to look you in the eye and be transparent. I laid it out in MDLWLY and while many girls got it, some couldn’t wrap their heads around it. Men always ask me for tips too, so it’s only right that I give it to the fellas in simple terms: She Ain’t It! This is a dating and relationship guide, not for dummies, but simplified. It’s for those men that still don’t know the game or just need a few reminders, and for those women that slipped through the cracks of my previous books.
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This could easily be called “He Ain’t It” because these same lessons apply to WOMEN looking to upgrade themselves and attract quality men. Any woman that’s willing to take a hard look at her own life, can easily use the secrets and strategies in this book to Spartan Up and turn their lives around as well.
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