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Guy 1: Worked with this woman for over a year, really liked her, they had a great vibe, flirted innocently… but he never asked her on a date. Not even when a co-worker told him that she was into him. One day this woman popped up with a boyfriend, later on she moved in with said boyfriend. Finally, one night after work, Guy 1 sat in her car and confessed that he was in love. She politely informed him that she was in love too…with her new man. The guy took it hard and stopped speaking to her at work all together.

Guy 2: Dated this woman for several months, and by date I mean watched TV and fucked. The woman asked me for advice on how to get out of this situationship. I advised her to communicate her wants (in a very Spartan way). She did. This guy broke down in tears and revealed that he had been cheated on by his last two girlfriends and he wasn’t ready for anything serious. She walked away because being come over and chill pussy wasn’t her goal. Guy 2 came back two years later saying he was ready. She sent him back a screenshot of her engagement ring and the letters “FOH”.

Guy 3: Was a friend of mine who entered a relationship with a woman who was a pretty big deal in the entertainment industry. Not only did they have tons of things in common, she motivated him to get his career to the next level and even hooked him up with some connections that paid off. Not even a year into the relationship he cheated. She broke up with him. He ran back to his ex-girlfriend, a ratchet from the hood who was unemployed, didn’t care what he did with his life so long as she got to lay under him. To this day he tells me the first woman was trying to change who he was, this other girl just let’s him do him.

What the fuck is wrong with today’s men? All the big talk on social media, all the stories about how they’re not afraid of anything, it’s all CAP. I’ve noticed this shift in men becoming soft and women becoming hard years ago and I wrote She Ain’t It in order to help them as best I could. Still, most men aren’t going to read and learn, instead they’ll keep being defensive, keep being afraid, and keeping blowing their shots at love. Ladies, you may think men don’t care, are these emotionally unavailable creatures, and because they’re cut to you or have money they can get hoes. Allow me to open up the reality jar. In the years I’ve been doing this site, I’ve come across athletes, musicians, police officers, even a CEO of teach company you all know, and these men, just like the every day Joes, push women away or refuse to put themselves out there because of fear. Today I’m going to go over a few different aspects of Male Fear. If you’re a guy reading this, read until the end. If you’re a woman, SHARE this shit, because these guys need to be held accountable in order to better their lives.

The Rise of The Simp (The Problem With Today’s Men)

Some men are used to rejection, some men have steel nerves, and some men know that a few bad relationships isn’t a reason to shut down. To those fellas, I applaud you for being strong. What I can’t respect is the: I’m too short… all these women are hoes… they don’t really like me for me… self-doubters. A lot of women listen to guys talk or read what guys say online and think “Oh, so that’s what men want, let me act like that so I can get one.” That pick me shit is normal in the minds of insecure women, but it’s also become the new normal for males. I’m not talking about the toxic masculinity of “be tough don’t show feelings”. I’m talking about the confidence that comes with being born a male… This is a patriarchal world, male supremacy is real, yet you wouldn’t know it because today’s men are overly sensitive.

The Hate: That fine ass girl on IG wrote a caption about how you have to be paid to date her, so you clap back that she’s a piece of shit and secretly pray for her downfall… yet you still follow her.

The Sadness: Some girl tweeted that she needs a tall man with a beard. You don’t have that so it sticks in your head, and the next time you see a girl you could talk to, you think twice because what if that real life woman feels the same way as that random chick on twitter.  

The Real: No man should give a fuck about being a girl’s type, meeting her imaginary list of Must-Haves, or if she was aiming for another dude when she walked in the room. The proof is in the results, and regardless of if she wouldn’t have chosen you first, you ended up with her. That’s called victory. Men chose, women settle. That’s not always negative because 75% of the time women don’t make a first move and don’t really know what they’re looking for beyond a fantasy concept of “Jason Mamoa type with good credit but with a bad boy edge that will put me in my place“. Ladies, how many guys have surprised you and grew into your type? How many guys who were your type but missed out because they didn’t shoot their shot? Women are diverse in their attractions. Social media shit talking should never be taken at face value, the woman who wouldn’t follow you back online will often give you her number in real life. The problem is we live in that bubble where the internet is the reality that men and women bend to.  Seeing women sell themselves short because they have no self-esteem irritates me, but it also irks me that these young dudes are struggling to be men because they feel as if they aren’t good enough according to internet or Reality TV standards. Jealousy is the 2nd weakest emotion behind fear, and I think it’s time that I put you young brothers back on the, “I can have any woman I want” track because how can a Spartan Queen ever find a King in a world full of pussy ass men.

Mr. Fear of Commitment

Women see potential in a man from day one, it’s not a delusion, it’s an intuition. A guy who has a kind heart, wise, smart in an out of the box kind of way, and who is filled with original ideas glows when she’s dating because the average woman has wasted enough time with other men who don’t have those intangibles or skills. The problem becomes that once a man and woman date for a long period of time or enter an actual relationship and she realizes that his potential isn’t being lived up to. So what does she do? She tries to guide him, motivate him, or point out what he could be doing to fully realize this potential. Why? One part is that if she can make him the best version of himself, she benefits from having a fully realized partner, not a “fixer upper” boyfriend like most women have. The other part is selfless, she genuinely wants him to do well in life. What happens when a man doesn’t want to live up to his potential or ignores you because he wants to do things his own way? You two argue and eventually stop talking. 

Males are notoriously stubborn. As men we think we know everything and how to do everything. Right now there’s a guy trying to tell you how to run a business but he doesn’t even have 10k in his bank account. Right now there’s a man telling you he knows how to promote a brand better than you, but he doesn’t have any clients. Right now there is a man who has been working at the same miserable job who will catch an attitude if you suggest a way to move on to something new. Men don’t want women telling them what to do because most of them think women aren’t as smart, are too emotional, or only want to change them to be like another man she also knows. When a guy drags his feet, be it to get into a relationship, to go from being engaged to married, or any purgatory stage, it’s not because of lack of love for you, it’s due to fear. The fear that you will put the pressure of his own potential on him which he can never fully live up to in the way you imagine.

Women are planners, most of you ladies have lists, vision boards, weekly, monthly, even multi-year goals. When you put a man into your plans and assume that he is going to be making a certain amount, that he is going to see his own goals through, and that by a specific year you’ll be this perfect power couple, he pushes you away. It’s not that he doesn’t see your vision, it’s that your vision is too tightly laid out. You begin feeling like his mother or his boss. You don’t plan for how he’s feeling mentally or the way males commonly switch up directions and try new things on. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit to you as a romantic partner, he doesn’t want to commit to you as this smothering dictator who will be on his back if he doesn’t hit goals on time or stick to the plan. These men would rather sabotage a relationship with you, go find a basic woman, and figure his life out at his own pace. Meanwhile, you’re back crying thinking about how it could have been so great if only he saw in himself what you saw in him. Besides every great man isn’t always a great woman, sometimes it’s the most basic of bitches. Nevertheless, the road for any man will always benefit from having a woman that’s an equal not a liability.

Fellas, you don’t need a woman to mother you or plan out your future, but at the same time you can’t be afraid to collaborate, put your minds together, and work towards something that can benefit you. If you’re currently dealing with someone, ask yourself one simple question “does she better me”. I’m not asking if she fucks you good, cooks for you, listens to you spew your bullshit opinions, or if she’s loyal. Does she challenge you to be the best version of yourself? If the answer is “kinda” then she’s not the one. If the answer is “always” then why are you dragging your feet? She will change you, but change is good. She will hold you accountable, but accountability is mandatory. She will expect the most from you to the point where it annoys you, but isn’t that what you need?

Mr. Not Good Enough

Jeremy-Meeks-Iphone-case

Everywhere I go women tell me, “Boys act worse than girls these days,” and they are right. This is a nation of simps that get in their feelings anytime a girl shows other men attention, be they rappers, athletes, or even regular dudes that posses what they don’t have. Remember back when that mugshot of felon Jeremy Meeks went viral? Dudes were hurt! They said all kinds of ignorant things about “you pass up the good guys for the criminals” or “this is why you hoes single mothers, you choose guys that either end up in jail, dead, or hooked on drugs”. That anger had nothing to do with Meeks being a criminal; it was about women showing attention to another man who had traits they didn’t possess. Female Validation makes men lash out at women and other men, it makes men want to fight, and even rape because they hate not being in control, not being wanted, or not being seeing as special. 

Go online right now and I bet you’ll find a dude hating under a picture of a pretty girl, talking about her makeup or insinuating her body is fake. Go check out a post where a man tries to uplift a woman and the bitter simps are there to accuse the man of pandering for pussy. Let a woman tweet her opinion on something in terms of males, and you’ll see these clowns mob up, not to take shots at her words but to downgrade her looks, because how dare she have an opinion and not look like Beyonce. The question is why do men today CARE about empowering post, women wearing makeup, women wearing wigs on their timelines, and other males who get more pussy than they do? These types of men act catty as if they are the victim because their future is at stake. Imagine if all those women were shallow, if only Alpha males got ass, and if women were empowered across the board. They would be left single and lonely for life. Bitter males live to chop strong women down to size, to shame women into being Pick Mes, and to throw salt on rival males because that’s how they get chose in the end. Ladies think about those guys you dated who played the victim, talked about conspiracies 24-7, were jealous about who you talked to or followed online, and would take shots at the way you dressed. They did this for a reason. Lesser men survive because soft women see potential in them to be great. If the bar were to become “Get your shit together” rather than, “You had a hard life, I’ll help you” then that would eliminate half of these simps from ever getting girlfriends. Weak men guilt strong women into lowering standards, and it’s time for this shit to stop.

Male-supremacy brainwashing that blames hoe culture for the downfall of “The Nice Guys”. The thing is, are you really a nice guy or are you bitter? Are you really made at women for not wanting to split the bills, or are you made at yourself for not being able to not split a bill? Do you really think that guy is gay or are you intimidated by his looks? Do you really think that girl is a hoe, or does she remind you of a someone you wish you could have? Look around you. The men who have been rejected, who have been cheated on, and who can only feast on low hanging fruit, those are the ones on your timeline right now fighting to keep women in their place. The ones that can’t get women’s attention in real life, those are the ones that call out flaws when a woman is getting too much love online. It’s not about preference or opinion, it’s an anger built on frustration. What plus sized woman broke your heart? What darker skinned woman rejected you to the point where you have to take shot at complexions? What India Love looking chick refused to answer your DM? What popular girl chose your friend over you and made you hate so hard?

Confidence Building 101

Many cats are growing up without fathers, without big brothers, and they’re so soft that they don’t know how to react to lack of attention or rejection. I’m from a generation where it was cool for a girl to say “no,” because you just go after the next one until you get a yes. Real G’s don’t take it personal, they don’t sulk, they don’t slander women, and they don’t try to force the issue. These new cats should be out getting pussy or trying to find an ambitious girl they can build with… instead, they’re on the internet crying, criticizing makeup, dropping memes, and all these petty stuff that shows the world that men are becoming pussy.

Height Doesn’t Really Matter

Size-does-not-matter

I like when women praise tall dudes, just off the strength of being tall, it’s revenge for all the dudes that gas girls whose only positive is a big ass. Girls don’t want to hear about some Buttaface being bae because of a donky ass, and dudes don’t want to hear about some 6’4” dude who can’t even hoop being put on a pedestal. Now that we’re all even, let’s be honest. Some girls thirst for height, but it’s not a deal breaker in the way social media makes it out to be. It’s a want not a need. The only thing girls break quicker than their height requirement is their no carb diet. Ignore. That. Shit! If you look good, talk right, and act better, you will Kevin Hart that pussy, and that same Bird that was like, “I need Kobe tall,” changes her tune to, “Girl, tall niggas ain’t even all that, I need that dick thrown from a low center of gravity.” It’s all bullshit; people don’t know what they are truly attracted to until they are put to the test. Worry about being the best in the world at what you do. Perfect your game, your approach, and go get what you came for, because you never know what you’ll land when you try.

Women Upgrade Looks Based On Affection

Now-He-Can-Get-It

I read some OK Cupid poll that said that women ONLY find 80% of men unattractive. I can buy that because all dudes are funny looking, who besides Prince has been default pretty? Men are rugged, weird looking, they have facial blemishes they don’t care about hiding, they put on weight and don’t care, and most don’t even dress for their body types. So why do women still go for them? Because females aren’t as shallow as we think! Ask a woman what her face would look like. Now try to go find a man that has that face—you may find 3-5 people in this world who meets her standard. So why is the human race still reproducing in record numbers? Because women settle! Statistics don’t take into account what a girl wants versus what she will take.

The appearance bar is high, but females don’t mind lowering it if a man has other attributes that make her warm inside. I know a girl who got married to this Vince Herbert looking dude, and I told her he was a real cool guy and I see why she married him. Her insecurity wouldn’t let her take the personality compliment; she felt a need to say, “I like big teddy bears, that’s always been my type.” I could have said, bitch you used to suck my homie’s dick cus you said he looked like Omarion, don’t front, but I didn’t. Some women will make their current mate match up with what their type is after the fact, it’s nothing more than revisionist upgrading to make it seem as if she didn’t settle. The moment you win the affection of a woman, your wide ears, your hook nose, your misshapen head, or any funny looking feature grows on her, and you become better looking than the first time she laid eyes on you. I wrote about men experiencing the same “personality makes her prettier” transformation in Solving Single. This is not fake, it’s not being delusional, it’s human nature to see past the flaws of those you like and focus on their strong points.

twerk-selfie

Most of the guys reading this have been rejected online. You try to DM a chick who doesn’t write back, you Tinder bad chicks, and never get swiped back. I’m sure that makes you feel a certain way, but you have to look beyond the internet. I said it before, and I’ll keep saying it, women are much pickier online than in public due to the sheer number of thirst buckets responding to their best picture. Out in public those same “I woke up like this” girls may still be pretty, but the majority won’t garner the same attention as their online profile. Fuck inboxing, walk up and talk to a girl, make her laugh, get her number, and take her out. That same girl online would have ignored your advances, but in real life she’s not being bombarded with dick, so you got a shot. Of course, there will always be top shelf girls who are picky and should be meticulous because they can do better than your ass, but the other 90% will entertain you even if it’s due to boredom. Once you get a foot in, you can use your swag to kick the door open. A month later, she’s the one calling you because the time you’ve spent has made you appear more appealing than she initially thought you were.

Broke Men Still Get Pussy

We are living in the golden age of female independence. Those women that are 25-35 have come of age in a world where the nuclear family has crumbled. The father that was supposed to take care of the mother, either wasn’t around or didn’t have a pot to piss in. Those women that grew up with absentee dads knew that the only way to get the things they wanted was to work for it. Modern American women are the hardest working creatures on the planet, because they don’t expect to be taken care of by men the same way women who grew up in the 50’s did. That’s a positive thing, but being hardworking and educated doesn’t equate to being smarter than Dick. Dick may not have Bachelors from a University but he has a Masters when it comes to manipulating lonely women. I hear, “I never meet men on my financial level,” all the time because women who make good money, tend to still be attracted to men that remind them of guys from the old neighborhood. The sad thing is that those local dudes didn’t go out and conquer the world, they’re broke, living paycheck to paycheck, or underemployed. Their hustle is to hook up with a girl who doesn’t mind helping him out, and pull himself up by using her as an investor. Women complain about this after they get played, but when your type is “cute but hood” and you’re turned off by “squares with money” then you will always end up dating struggle dick.

It’s not that there aren’t quality men out here, it’s that most women are in a comfort zone of dating the same types. There are countless women that admit that they will never have a man with money, but they are okay with that because they have the mentality that “I can earn money, all I need is his love and support.” Think about that, women have become the men in relationships in the sense of bread winning, because women don’t believe they can find a man with equal finances who will love them in today’s world. These Fixer-Upper men, need her, so he will love her, and that’s what she settles for, dependency not partnership and standards.

“Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry…” – Gloria Steinem

A lot is made of the Hoes that are out here winning, but financially independent women could pull the same type of paid men as the gold diggers pull, in a non-user way if they tried. There are more men with wealth today than in any other time in history! However, females with their own shit often feel guilty about being shallow, as if they are going to get a gold star for ignoring the guy in the Benz and choosing the guy with the Bus pass. Lowering standards sucks for women, but it puts men who are struggling on equal footing with men who have money. As a man growing up in today’s world you may feel like a loser because you aren’t making a lot of money per hour, you never finished college, or some imaginary white Free Mason is holding you back. To see Fabolous step out in the all-white Rolls Royce or listen to Drake rap about living in a house so big he has to use a walkie-talkie just to get a beverage, will make you feel like you lost at life. I’m not going to get into a “nigga do better” sermon about money, but let’s assume you don’t even have 2k in the bank and are out of work or living paycheck to paycheck. You can still have the girl of your dreams. Money should never be the reason you don’t ask for a number or why you break up with a girl you love. So many women are heartbroken because men ghost them, not because they were bad girlfriends, but because the male is ashamed of his financial situation. Being a man means that you should be able to look out for those you love, but choosing that pride over a good woman won’t improve your fortunes.

What’s the reason men give for not wanting to date outside of Netflix nights or make a girl he really likes his girlfriend? Money! You don’t have enough money to date that woman you want or to get into the type of relationship she deserves. That’s a weak ass excuse. If you have $40 for a used X-Box game, then you aren’t so poor that you can’t date seriously. There are way more ladies than hoes walking this earth, and they will not hold a cheap date against you. The thing you guys need to focus on is the effort. Give a woman your time, energy, and attention and they will appreciate that much more than a $200 dinner. Stop being ashamed of your finances when you’re on your way up in life. Women will understand your situation so long as it is legit and you communicate it, instead of trying to front like you’re paid then lying to her the night of the date. You know you can’t afford that meal for two plus tip, so why even pick that restaurant? You know you won’t have money until Friday so why are you trying to make plans on Thursday, then hitting her with “oh, can we just kick it at my place instead?” That’s fraud shit! Financial insecurity goes back to over analyzing what women talk about and not paying attention to how they really live. A girl can sit and talk about how she needs five star everything and a man that drives a foreign whip no more than two years old, but I’m here to tell you that most of these sisters out here are far from shallow. Instagram “models” may seem unattainable, but they aren’t. I repeat, women tend to date the same kind of men they grew up liking, so even if you don’t have much money, she will still be open to dating you so long as you treat her with respect. Value isn’t about the dollar signs, it’s about showing her that you’re trying your best within your means to prove that she’s someone you want to know on a deeper level than just sex.

She Ain’t It By G.L. Lambert “A Must Read”

The counter arguments may be that you don’t have money to date a bunch of women and risk being played for the little you have. As a broke dude, you don’t have to be selective, because even if shorty is a hoe, what’s the most she can get from you, an appetizer from Cheesecake Factory? Stop being so paranoid and stop thinking women are going to look down on you! Those foundation face weave wranglers y’all dudes thirst after as unattainable are merely community pussy that talk a good game in hopes some simp will trick on them. If you can open your mouth and speak clear English, then you have just as good a shot at landing her as any other man walking this earth, no matter what team he plays for or how light his eyes are. I’m not going to lie, I would rather a woman date at the highest level, but I’m a realist and I know that a person’s character isn’t defined by their bank account or car model. Be confident in yourself, no matter what your Wells Fargo reads. Money comes and goes, but your personality is what’s going to keep that woman in love. The next time you’re out, don’t be afraid to talk to the prettiest girl in the room because you live with your mother or you’re in-between jobs. Don’t let your temporary financial situation ruin a shot at real love. Women are understanding, Hoes are underhanded, so the fact that she’s willing to give you a shot knowing your financial situation proves that she’s an honest woman worth sacrificing your last $20 to show a good time. Stop running from Queens because you don’t have the money of a King. If anything those hardworking women can help you, not take care of your broke ass, but help you get where you need to be.

Stop Being Afraid of Pussy

Drake and Rihanna at the Clippers game in LA

I know a lot of you guys won’t admit this, but you’re afraid of pussy. Not the physical task of thrusting inside a vagina, but the anxiety of talking to a girl that may not like you or falling for one that may game you. These fools say they’re emotionally unavailable, and women buy that shit, some Basicas even get turned on. We both know that you’re not emotionally unavailable, you’re just trying to play off the fact that you’re afraid girls won’t like the real you the longer they get to know you! Men aren’t allowed to talk about being nervous; we have to pretend we don’t get butterflies because we have to behave hard. Men can’t confess that they’re worried about liking a girl too much; we have to pretend as if we only want sex so we won’t get our feelings hurt if she doesn’t want more from us. Men can’t confess that they’re afraid to settle down because they might get cheated on. Men can’t confess that the relationships scare us, and that’s the problem. It’s time to man up and communicate your feelings. Your parents had a bad relationship, confront how that has made you see love. Your exes did you extremely dirty, open up about that pain. Maybe you’re afraid you will cheat again or that you won’t choose the right woman, don’t keep running, get to know the reason behind your fears! You don’t have to keep everything so bottled up. The definition of “manly” is facing that which fears you the most, so be a fucking man!

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