Hey, G.L. I hope this email finds you well. I am a plus sized woman, have been since my mid-20s. I recently reconnected online with a guy from high school and felt really insecure because I’m not the size that he remembers. Despite this, I pushed forward with the date. We’ve been inseparable since and we are currently in a relationship. The issue is I’m in my own head every damn day. He wants to go out, I would rather stay in. He likes to hang with old classmates, I don’t speak to any of those people for fear of being judged. Last week we had “the talk” where he told me that he feels it isn’t working out and we both need to change things. This destroyed me.
I know I can create positive manifestations in life, but also negative ones based on my feelings. I’ve done a lot of work to be able to have such a loving and handsome boyfriend, but I feel my inner Basica dragging me down, G.L. My anxiety has pushed him away, and we’re basically on a break while I get therapy. My therapists talks in circles, so I need something more practical. You’ve helped my best friend in the past, so maybe you can help me? Any tips to right this ship not just for the sake of my relationship but for the sake of finally living in power and not being hung up on my insecurities and what others think?
Too many of you are smart but fragile, confident in one breath, then weak as fuck the next moment. You can’t control your emotions, you can’t silence your fears, and you never learned to check your anxiety, so here you are, living life one trigger moment away from shattering. You’re a weak bitch. Just another typical girl who will find love and then lose it the moment a man realizes how broken you are… but it doesn’t have to stay that way. There is nothing inside of you that can’t be corrected, the problem is do you want to remain weak or are you going to actually do the fucking work I list below?
The biggest lie you’ve been told is, “It all works out in the end,” HA! Look at the news; look at your own family tree—no, the fuck it doesn’t! There are people who get what they want out of life and then there are people that die with regret. Pick the fucking pill you want to take and stop going back and forth, unsure of which way is right.
Do you want to become that old woman who fumbled her chance to be happy because of her own weak ass thoughts, or do you want to become the kind of woman that didn’t break, didn’t settle, and met her goals in terms of love, career, and life? Look at that email above. It’s from a woman at her breaking point because she’s looked for validation in a realtionship, got it, then realized that her problems weren’t the lack of man it was her own self-hate.
Stressful situations that pop up aren’t coincidences, karma, or bad luck. It’s all YOU. Once your mind drifts into thoughts of “Maybe I’m not enough,” your world shifts into a mirror reflecting that negativity. If you want to attract happiness, STAY out of your own way. Setbacks are temporary. Heartbreak heals. The ability to bounce back better is power. Master it!
The good news is that no matter if you’re in a relationship like the woman above who wrote to me or someone who’s single, it only takes ONE fucking day to change the direction of your thoughts and set yourself up to attract and manifest the things you feel you aren’t worthy of having. Today, I’m going to break down the weak bitch thoughts, the toxic self-critiques, and the invasive imposter syndrome thoughts that are keeping you stuck, depressed, and sabotaging your wins and how to stop being so damn basic!
Curating Your World View
You are what you think, but what is it that you think? Let’s cut through the bullshit and look at the world you inhabit. You are a goddess having a human experience. You possess a curious mind that’s constantly racing and craving new things. Your brain is a sponge that wants a creative outlet and needs to be fed daily or you’re going to spiral into boredom.
…so, what is it that you feed your mind each day?
- -You wake up and think about bullshit from the day before.
- -You worry about problems that haven’t even happened,
- -You fixate on what other people think about you.
- -You are consumed with your future and rarely live in the NOW.
Why is your phone in your hand all the time? Because you’re only happy when you’re distracted. Laughing at silly shit online, sucking up gossip, nodding along to plagirized affirmation videos, and of course, shopping for shit you don’t even need. When you do actually get away from the screen and go somewhere, you search for your phone so you can let everyone know that you’re out somewhere.
Your mind is stuck in this loop of always needing something to do, yet you don’t actually do shit.. You’ve lost the ability to be alone with your thoughts because facing yourself is scary. You were put here to rule, instead you’ve made yourself into a peasant! The high vibrational thoughts that come when you’re focused prove that you’re special, but you let those slip away and go back to drifting into anxiety and frustration. Let’s look at the “why”.
Impatience + Regret = Self Sabotage.
You want to win right now and you’re sick of waiting, so how do you solve it, not with enlightenment, but with ignorance. You look at others with this “Why Can’t That Be Me…” envy. At the same time, you look at your past, attempting to shrug accountability by placing blame with a “What If I Would Have Done XYZ Differently.” You want to be more than what you’ve shown, but you’re also afraid to fail. You build yourself up with positive talk, then tear yourself back down with negative thoughts only to end up right back in bed at the end of the day, the same basic, unevolved human who isn’t living life but wasting it.
This is not who you are. Your True self isn’t this basic ass creature chained by fear. You’ve allowed this to happen because you’ve brainwashed yourself with a world filled with low vibrational influences.
It’s time to throw out the distractions and stop hiding behind your phone. Other people have more influence on your life than you do. That’s why they’re called influencers. Filtered pictures of other women on social media make you envious, thus making you seek out the beauty products that they use or the clothes that they wear. You want to take the same style of photos, use the same filters, and work that same angle so you can join along and feel pretty. Why?
Because you crave attention from the very world that you should have control over. You’re not running the matrix the matrix is running you! “Look at me, make me feel like I’m wanted,” is how a low vibrational person moves. Wasting money and time to gain validation from people who wouldn’t care if you died tomorrow.
If it’s not social media, it’s mainstream media that lowers your vibration. Too many of you binge so-called reality TV shows about women who fight each other over gossip or men, shows about getting married in the 90 days, or how love is blind… but not really. You gobble up media that doesn’t expand your mind but stunts it like a kid drinking coffee.
You can’t grow if your world is filled with basic bitch propaganda.
What are you going to talk about on a date? TV show plot lines? Celebrity news? How are you going to talk on a date? Using too much profanity and calling everyone “bro” like you’re 17? How are you going to keep a new relationship from dying out after the honeymoon lust stage is over? After he gets your pussy by telling your basic ass what you want to hear, he’s gone because no man wants a woman whose only value is laughing at his jokes and sharing Spotify Playlists…
“I’m goofy and funny who wouldn’t want to be with me,” well let’s add them up because a lot of people have passed on you. Wonder why men ghost you or fall back into the arms of another woman after too much time with you? Because you’re giving dry, repressed, and vapid. You’re a parody of what you see online because you don’t know how to be yourself, only how to be what you think other people want to see from you, and that’s tragic!
Look at what you consume and how it consumes you. Going around thinking you’re a catch and someone fumbled you is easy. Actually looking in the mirror at how your personality turns people off is hard. Self-awareness will change your life overnight, but you’re not ready to go that deep.
Your worldview is the starting point of everything you will ever dare to manifest, negative and positive. Why the fuck do you think every great person that’s ever lived has preached the importance of meditation and isolation? You can’t stay plugged into the world of peasants and stay royalty. If you lay in the mud with the low people, you become one of them. It doesn’t matter how high your IQ is, what your job is, or what you‘re capable of. Brainwashing yourself to be low vibrational ends with the same results, you give away your power and become just another typical mediocre woman who talks about the same vapid shit, posts the same shallow captions, and spends way too much time in front of a screen seeking validation.
Inner work: This week, I want you to unplug from everything that isn’t mandatory. Meaning that if it’s not going to work or answering a message that’s work related, don’t engage. Once unplugged, meditate on who the fuck you are. Not what you want, not where you want to go, not the relationship you’re in, nor the relationship you want to be in. Just be. When the noise of the distractions goes silent, the overthinking will cease. The anxiety will slow to a crawl. There is no worry to be had when you’re in the now of just—breath in and breath out. Get to that place this week. That’s the first step.
Controlling Invasive Thoughts
Everyone has invasive thoughts. Those things your inner voice pops up with, that don’t mesh at all with who you are. This can be racist thoughts, sexist thoughts, suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts, and taboo shit that you would never say to even your best friends. This “dark place” is where your mind goes multiple times throughout the day. Unlike your normal running commentary about what to eat or why your mother hasn’t called you yet, these thoughts aren’t your normal internal dialogue, they’re random and scary. They’re so frightening that you even wonder, “Is this the real me? Is this who I am, some crazy stalker woman who wants to drown puppies?”
Shadow Self. Inner demon. Dark side. These are negative terms that make you feel guilty. Most of you are religious or grew up in the church and still have those “sin traumas” inside of you that hold you back from exploring the unplesant parts of your mind. The truth is, it’s not the devil inside you, nor is there some shadowy subconscious. These terms are just a fancy way of saying “unfiltered emotional thoughts”. Your logical self is a mask that you put on daily. It’s the avatar that you hold together as you play your part as a human living life. Your emotional side, the true subconscious, is pushed down and buried all day long while you pretend to be this “character”. The thoughts from your metaphorical dark side, or shadow self, is what happens when you don’t go inside and explore who you are.
Fuck that job. Fuck your family members. Everything is stupid. And I’m stupid too, for caring so much about a bunch of dumb shit. This is where your mind wants to go because all day long, you play this fake game of “I’m happy and having fun living this boring life!” Embrace that shit; you can’t control your subconscious, but when it bubbles to the surface, let it out. Don’t turn the thoughts off. Let that faucet of shit talking, hate, frustration, and violence run its course. Never tell yourself “Don’t think that,” or “That’s not nice,” or try to pray away what your mind is telling you. If it doesn’t get out, it builds to the point where that little voice inside your head gets taken over by that chaos. Sprialing happens when you can no longer seperate the intrusive from the rational thoughts.
Stop driving yourself crazy trying to break down and control wild thoughts, and recognize that your mind is a factory that produces too much fucking product, and some of that product is absolutely insane, but it’s still apart of you, so it has to find its way out before it clogs up the machine. The reason I bring this up is that when your normal mental thoughts begin to intersect with your invasive thoughts, that spiral can cause permanent truama, including a chain reaction that will trap you inside a dark place of depression, anxiety, or even self-harm.
TRIGGER EVENTS: When your invasive thoughts, aka your emotional shadow side, breakthrough, it’s because you experienced a triggering event. A guy rejected you. Friends didn’t include you. Someone at work passed you over. These things crack that mask you walk around with, and because you never let these thoughts out, they rush through and overwhelm you with negative things that can break you mentally:
“He didn’t call me back because I don’t look like my dating app picture. I’m fat and ugly, and worthless, and he’s disgusted by the thought of me, so I should just die and stop trying.” That’s an example of your inner voice being corrupted by the worst thing that pops into your mind. Because your thought is tied to a real-life incident, in this example, being ghosted or someone not responding to you romantically the way you wanted, you can’t simply brush those thoughts off; you give into them and begin to drown. The key is to strengthen your mind so that nothing in the future can trigger you at this level.
Inner work: Exercising gets tension out, and scream therapy can let anger out, but what lets invasive thoughts out? Honesty. The second step I want you to take this week is to have a conversation with yourself about everything and anything that pops into your head and be honest.
If your 3rd grade teacher randomly pops up, and your feelings are harsh, let it out because that’s your subconscious telling you that you have raw feelings towards them that you never got out, and even though they aren’t a part of your current life, it’s hurting you. If you randomly think about Beyonce, and consciously you’re like, “I love her,” but your thoughts are like, “fuck her, she’s not all that,” go with that contradiction.
There are thoughts about your family members, exes, even traumatizing events that you blacked out but need to face. “I just get in my moood, don’t know what’s bothering me…” Everything! You keep piling pain on top of pain and wonder why you push positive situations away and self sabotage happiness. A mind filled with chaos can’t rest. A mind harboring guilt or hatred can’t find peace. You’re not bipolar; you’re complex, and you need to let all sides out, not just the nice parts. Go inside, play word association, and let the thoughts, no matter how invasive, go to war. This is the first step in doing true Shadow Work.
Managing Your Manifestations
I don’t care if you believe in manifesting your reality or if you think it’s bullshit. The way your world works isn’t the point, creating a better world is. The fact that you can literally see cause and effect every single day is what I need you to focus on. You do something and something good happens, you do something and something bad happens. That’s not what’s going on beneath the surface. You’re either walking around miserable, repressed, and frustrated or you’re walking around confident and free. Bad situations or good situations still happen regardless of the mindset you have, but only one of those mindsets can see past the trees.
A person gets fired from their job, gets their engagement called off, and loses their Grandfather all in the same year. Is that a punishment for negative thoughts? That’s not how this game works. When your mind is properly attuned, you don’t give into the misery, you go inside and quiet your mind, you talk to yourself good and bad, and you get back out there with the mindset that you’re going to find a better job, fiancé, and make your Grandfather’s memory proud. Those who break, stop. Those who rise above, go beyond.
The Universe isn’t out to hurt you, it’s advancing you. It’s your mind that decides to trust in that or run from that. In your daily life, no matter what’s thrown at you, the only thing stopping you from manifesting a better experience is an overactive mind that panics. Panic leads to anxiety, anxiety leads to fear. Fear cripples you. Calm the fuck down. This statement needs to become your best friend.
There will always be thoughts that you can’t fully control, situations that upset you, and emotions that cause you to have a hissy fit. Why is this happening, fuck this, I hate life… You done? Calm the fuck down. Stop being a bratty little Basica and fully embrace the truth that I’m about to lay out.
You are divine. You are God herself. You are the embodiment of power. Why don’t you feel that? That’s a trick question, you do feel that when you actually quiet the noise and breathe in and out. You do feel that when something goes your way or when someone recognizes you. The real question is, why is there a disconnect? You are living a human experience. Every day, you wake up in a world that is messy and chaotic but also funny and exciting, and you get caught up in the details of being human. You’re playing a game that feels real, but there is no Apple Pro headset to take off and stop it, so you confuse the game character with the controlling character.
You hate that your character is fat and can’t lose weight, so you go get surgery or hire a professional to help you. Okay. Nothing’s changed. You’re now picking on other stuff about your body. Why? Because changing the fucking character, AKA making Sonic the Hedgehog green and not blue, doesn’t change the fucking game! The surface doesn’t matter!
In order to stop the negative thoughts which, create the negative manifestations that reinforce more negative thoughts, you have to—Calm the fuck down.
Whenever you’re going through something and feel the human character overpowering your Goddess side, remind yourself that you are not this avatar, you are not that situation, and that the things that are happening, while uncomfortable and unwanted, are not defining. Meaning, that as a master manifestor, with the power to shape her world, all you need to do is pump the breaks, calm down, and be at peace with what the game is giving you in that moment, then make the conscious choice to no longer give into the fear, hate, or frustration.
Inner work: Instead of being mad, being afraid, and creating this world of “I’m fat, my boyfriend is going to one day leave me,” like that woman who wrote that email above. Calm the fuck down and play the game on God Mode. You are who you are for a reason, and positive things happen when you stop hating the game and start playing it the way you want to. Hiding out at home because you don’t want people to see you, being too shy to shoot your shot because you don’t want to be rejected, holding on to people who hurt you because you don’t think anyone else would want you… weak little women do that because they have convinced themselves that they’re low when, in reality, they are the most high.
Three steps… Calm The Fuck Down. Unplug the things that influence your thoughts and cause you to drift into a peasant state of low vibrations. While unplugged, let in those invasive thoughts until they no longer have power over you. Remind yourself that this is an experience. This is a world built for you to learn, grow, have fun, and thrive. Hold on to that knowledge of self, of power, and put it into practice by playing the game you called life with one last invasive thought always being chanted in your head: I Am A Fucking Spartan, and these people are my subjects. I fear nothing.
Setting the bar with the men who you allow in your world….
Stop pretending that you’re okay with doing everything on your own.
There’s no cookie for struggling in the name of being independent! There’s no red carpet for women who pour everything into a man and get nothing in return.
Shying away from your power because you hate to ask men for things, because you want to seem STRONG and put together, because you think a closed mouth will get you picked– is a JOKE.
There are women who get the world handed to them… and then there are women who Window Shop like, “Wow, how did she get him to do that?” Which one are you going to be?
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