Hey, G.L. I hope this email finds you well. I am a plus sized woman, have been since my mid-20s. I recently reconnected online with a guy from high school and felt really insecure because I’m not the size that he remembers. Despite this, I pushed forward with the date. We’ve been inseparable since and we are currently in a relationship. The issue is I’m in my own head every damn day. He wants to go out, I would rather stay in. He likes to hang with old classmates, I don’t speak to any of those people for fear of being judged. Last week we had “the talk” where he told me that he feels it isn’t working out and we both need to change things. This destroyed me.

I know I can create positive manifestations in life, but also negative ones based on my feelings. I’ve done a lot of work to be able to have such a loving and handsome boyfriend, but I feel my inner Basica dragging me down, G.L. My anxiety has pushed him away, and we’re basically on a break while I get therapy. My therapists talks in circles, so I need something more practical. You’ve helped my best friend in the past, so maybe you can help me? Any tips to right this ship not just for the sake of my relationship but for the sake of finally living in power and not being hung up on my insecurities and what others think?

Too many of you are smart but fragile, confident in one breath, then weak as fuck the next moment. You can’t control your emotions, you can’t silence your fears, and you never learned to check your anxiety, so here you are, living life one trigger moment away from shattering. You’re a weak bitch. Just another typical girl who will find love and then lose it the moment a man realizes how broken you are… but it doesn’t have to stay that way. There is nothing inside of you that can't be corrected, the problem is do you want to remain weak or are you going to actually do the fucking work I list below?

The biggest lie you’ve been told is, “It all works out in the end,” HA! Look at the news; look at your own family tree—no, the fuck it doesn’t! There are people who get what they want out of life and then there are people that die with regret. Pick the fucking pill you want to take and stop going back and forth, unsure of which way is right. Do you want to become that old woman who fumbled her chance to be happy because of her own weak ass thoughts, or do you want to become the kind of woman that didn’t break, didn’t settle, and met her goals in terms of love, career, and life?

"I'm goofy and funny who wouldn't want to be with me," well let's add them up because a lot of people have passed on you. Wonder why men ghost you or fall back into the arms of another woman after too much time with you? Because you're giving dry, repressed, and vapid. You're a parody of what you see online because you don't know how to be yourself, only how to be what you think other people want to see from you, and that's tragic! Look at what you consume and how it consumes you. Going around thinking you’re a catch and someone fumbled you is easy. Actually looking in the mirror at how your personality turns people off is hard. Self-awareness will change your life overnight, but you’re not ready to go that deep.

Curating Your World View

You are what you think, but what is it that you think? Let’s cut through the bullshit and look at the world you inhabit. You are a goddess having a human experience. You possess a curious mind that’s constantly racing and craving new things. Your brain is a sponge that wants a creative outlet and needs to be fed daily or you’re going to spiral into boredom.

…so, what is it that you feed your mind each day?

• -You wake up and think about bullshit from the day before.
• -You worry about problems that haven’t even happened,
• -You fixate on what other people think about you.
• -You are consumed with your future and rarely live in the NOW.

Why is your phone in your hand all the time? Because you’re only happy when you’re distracted. Laughing at silly shit online, sucking up gossip, nodding along to plagirized affirmation videos, and of course, shopping for shit you don’t even need. When you do actually get away from the screen and go somewhere, you search for your phone so you can let everyone know that you're out somewhere.

Your mind is stuck in this loop of always needing something to do, yet you don't actually do shit.. You’ve lost the ability to be alone with your thoughts because facing yourself is scary. You were put here to rule, instead you’ve made yourself into a peasant! The high vibrational thoughts that come when you’re focused prove that you’re special, but you let those slip away and go back to drifting into anxiety and frustration. Let’s look at the “why”.

Impatience + Regret = Self Sabotage.

You want to win right now and you’re sick of waiting, so how do you solve it...