If the Universe meant for you to be with that man, then the Universe would have made that man act right… bullshit.
You two couldn’t get along because of personality differences…
He moved away and didn’t want to do long distance…
He was still working on himself.. and you’re still working on you…
Life isn’t cut and dry. You meet people who ARE perfect for you, but one of you fucked it up. Now here you are, single as a dollar bill, still thinking about someone from your distant past or recent past, and your anxiety gives way to logic: “The person I’m meant to be with was right there, and I fucked it up.”
Life isn’t a make-believe fairy tale where things work out in the end. Life is about wisdom that comes from choices. You learn lessons and stop making mistakes. OR. You don’t learn your lesson and keep making the same mistakes. I don’t care how “good” of a person you are. If you don’t heal your hurt from your childhood, it will fuck you for life. If you aren’t strong enough to look into your soul and face your insecurities, conquer your personality flaws, and change for the better, life will keep setting you up with tests where you will keep failing. Why be so cruel? Because life isn’t a happy fucking dance, it’s a training ground to make you into the best version of yourself.
Look at the last year of your life. Have you grown or are you still relapsing? Can you fly above the haters, snatch the souls of men, deal with your own emotions before they explode, and be proud of the woman staring back in that mirror? No. You’re still out here being basic, fumbling relationships, crying over dumb shit, and unable to inspire real love, just lust. This isn’t who you were meant to be!
Today we need to talk about starting your life over and repairing the damage of your past so you can finally wake the fuck up and be a Goddess who manifests at will! Big pussy energy is the process of becoming confident, self-aware, and so undeniable that you can have any man you want. Be it a new guy on an app, a platonic friend that you’re afraid to cross that line with, or that “one who got away.”
Sit and wait = you settle for whatever you can get.
Level up and attack = go get whoever you have a taste for because you KNOW you are that bitch.
What life do you want to live?
Even When Going Backwards A Spartan Moves Forward.
Let me start with a story of a woman who emailed me last year. I’ll code name her “Weak Bitch Wanda” and her story started like a lot of yours. Wanda had been seeing this guy “unofficially” for months and came to me asking how to get an actual commitment. She had zero real details. The guy was an athlete (semi-pro) and also sold insurance. Because of his looks Weak Bitch Wanda treated him like he was LeBron James, not State Farm James. In her email she admitted to not starting the relationship from a place of power. They went on two dates, then sex after the second date. She would spend the night at his place on weekends, and became a girlfriend without the title. So what was the problem? Why couldn’t Wanda just tell her man what she wanted. Duh, she was a scared ass little girl who feared male rejection. What I did was give her this homework: Text him what went wrong and send it to me.
State Farm James sent a short but sweet paragraph listing all the crazy shit Weak Bitch Wanda did. Logging into his IG. Going through his closet. Always talking about his ex. And a few more things. Her response? “I didn’t even want to send this to you.” Ma’am! You came to me for advice and weren’t honest. This isn’t a case of that man not wanting to commit this was a case of YOU being insecure, clingy, jealous, and untrustworthy. No man wants that kind of woman. As a matter of fact, those are the kind of women that make men stay single and just get the pussy for a few months.
So what did I tell Weak Bitch Wanda? I broke down that regardless of when you have sex, or the red flags a woman shows, men of a certain age are willing to look past the bad and into the good because they want love just as much as women. As I stated at the beginning, meeting “the one” isn’t magic. It’s based on choices. The Universe dropped State Farm James in Wanda’s lap to test her– here is the type of man you prayed for. What did Weak Bitch Wanda do? She pushed him away.
“He wasn’t meant for you,” is nonsense that basic bitches post on the internet or tell their friends to make them feel better. Listen up, slapnuts: This entire world is meant for you, but you can’t win not because of bad luck, but because you refuse to correct your personality flaws. You refuse to correct the issues that men hate. You refuse to even admit that you are problematic. When was the last time you’ve been to therapy? Talked about deep dark family secrets. Or even journaled about the bogus shit you’ve done? There is no new you without a new way of thinking and doing…
Know your worth. Show Your Worth. You are God. You are Power. You are Unbreakable. Who cares what another woman thinks or says? Everything about you is >>>> Than her. What does a man want? A Trophy! Who are you? The Ultimate Trophy. You’ve always known that. Now show THEM that by not doing everything those other girls don’t do. You aren’t clingy. You aren’t over-emotional. You aren’t worried about what he has going on outside of you. Your unbothered confidence will drive men crazy. The fact that he can’t read you, decipher you, or mindfuck you into being thirsty for a commitment or needing his attention will make him chase you that harder. You don’t have to say who you are, you prove that you are built different! That’s SHOWING your worth.
Once you achieve that Goddess Mindset, there is no one off-limits. No fumbled relationship you can’t repair. No new relationship you can bait your next victim into. As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, you will get everything you came for. Your pussy game is undeniable. Your victory is inevitable. You are HER.
Reconnecting = Exploring a romantic relationship with someone you were intrigued by but never gave a chance to…
Recycling = Going backwards to date exes because you can’t find anyone new…
I know a lot of women who recycle dick. Meaning the moment that new dude they met on Hinge ghosts them, they open the door for that ex-boyfriend to slide back in and make them feel wanted. Rejection hurts, and Basicas think the best way to get over someone is to get under someone they’re comfortable with. This is why exes always hover around. They don’t miss you. They’re waiting for you to be desperate enough to actually reply to a text. Recycling your ex rarely leads to a new relationship, it leads to comfort sex that gives you the illusion of being wanted, but that soon crashes down when you realize that while you’ve changed, they haven’t.
“G.L., is it okay to go back and date my ex,” As you saw in Weak Bitch Wanda’s story, not everything is “fuck him move on” because there are times when you did the damage. There are other times where a man was in talking stage or messaging you on a app but lost interest in you. And there are men right now who you are cordial with but never dated for whatever reason. Why don’t reach out to them or put yourself on their radar? Because you’re afraid to cross that line. Timing is everything, and just because you didn’t date that person when you first were introduced to them doesn’t mean you can’t do so now. Just because a man stopped responding doesn’t mean you can’t reach out. And just because you were once Weak Bitch Wanda, doesn’t mean you can’t be Spartan Wanda and get a do-over!
I know two women who recently married guys they’ve known for years. Not guys they dated, cried over, forgave, and got back with, but casual acquaintances. That guy who you went to school with was cool, but both of you had partners at the time… he’s fair game now. That co-worker who left your job but followed you on Facebook… he’s fair game now. That guy who you met when you were on a break from dating but kept in touch with because he knew how to fix cars… he’s fair game now. Even the friend of your ex who you knew had a crush on you becomes fair game now that he and your ex don’t speak… every man is for your taking! Life shows you that those that slowly get to know organically can turn out to be the best matches. Look at your phone contacts or look at the people on social media, there are eligible men who you ALREADY KNOW and could date, but you aren’t thinking outside the box.
What if they have a girlfriend or aren’t interested?
Are you going to be the scared ass little girl that sticks with what she knows and wastes time, or are you going to be a fucking Spartan that utilizes the options already in her life? For all you Basicas that are just going to go throw pussy your Ex and keep crying, “But there’s nothing out here,” walk away right now. You’re not ready for this knowledge or built for this power. For the rest of you who want to create more streams of romantic options and truly build a roster, let’s start.
Step One: Turning Your Pussy Into A Magnet
Every woman has the power to instantly attract a man, but a lot of you lack the confidence and know-how so let’s ignite your pussy magnet with the basics. There are men who follow you online, and you think, “Oh, he doesn’t like me like that.” Ma’am, he would eat your pussy sideways on a Sunday if you gave him the right sign. There are men in your phone who you stopped talking to before you even got a chance to go on an actual date, and you can snatch them back in and get a whole new result now that you know your value. Then, of course, there are those “coulda woulda shoulda” situationships that you still think about with people you had a crazy spark with but then fell off. Even they aren’t out of reach once you recognize who the fuck you are: A master manifestor who gets what she wants. The point is that you have more options than you realize, but you’ve been either too shy or oblivious to flex your powers of attraction. Not to-fucking-day!
As a woman, you should always be in the habit of “making friends,” not fuck buddies but connections to guys who can one day benefit you socially or career-wise. Men hate when women have “platonic male friends” because we know that guys who are just your “play brother” or “mechanic” or “work husband” secretly want to fuck you. Because men try to shame or control how many friends you have in life, you probably don’t make new male friends. Stop being worried about what guys think and look out for your FUTURE. I don’t care if it’s the guy who does taxes or an Uber driver; never turn down a number. Over the years or even months, if you were to build up a roster of guys that “I may call one day,” then dating would never be so stressful. You would always have a pool.
The legendary Spartan Lee, who just got married, always reminds me of the article I wrote called “Every Woman Needs A Back Up Dick (BUD).” She understood that it wasn’t about sex but laying the foundation for future options. There is nothing wrong or hoeish about collecting male acquaintances, putting them to the side, and breaking that glass in case of an emergency, aka when you’re finally single or in the right mental space to date them.
Understand the magnetism that makes these “buddies” fall in love with you even BEFORE you ever go on a date with them. Guys who can’t have you yet are willing to be your friend get to know the real you over time. “Just checking in” associates may only reach out every few months, but they’re also slowly learning who you are in a no-pressure way. Unlike a true male best friend, you’re not texting every day and ruining the vibe with a bunch of friendzone shit. Unlike the guy who keeps sliding in your DMs asking you out, you’re not feeling as if there is an agenda. By respecting the boundaries of being your buddy, he’s proven that he’s not thirsty, that he has respect for you, and that he sees your worth.
The Secret To Male Lust…
Ladies, I’ll put you up on a secret that every man knows. The longer we know a woman, the more that initial lust transforms into genuine feelings. Even if we haven’t talked to you in a year, the fact that a connection was made means you come across his mind every so often. Even if your only interaction is replying to each other’s social media post, you’re embedded in his mind more than he’ll admit. He may not cross that line, but he’s waiting for a sign. “If he wanted me why doesn’t he make a move for me…” calm the fuck down. Look at the reality of your relationship and you’ll see that there are reasons why he hasn’t or couldn’t. This is why guys who finally get to date you say corny shit like, “You know I’ve always been in love with you.” It’s not game. Those feelings have festered because no matter how many girlfriends come and go, he hasn’t had you. Being unattainable has made you a trophy, and as you know, men covet trophies.
So, the actual step to activating your pussy magnet and drawing these men in to date you is to put yourself on his radar more often. Break the ice. Ask how he’s been. Send him something funny or insightful to open the lines of communication again. You don’t have to create a routine of this; just do it once to set the stages for the next step. Alternatively, if you follow him on social media, start to interact more. Respond to his stories, drop a comment under a picture, do something that pulls him into interacting with you more often. You want this guy to start thinking about you more, so you want him watching your stories or dropping jokes in your inbox, all respectfully at this point, but you’re setting the groundwork.
What this does is make him wonder, “does she still have a man,” “would she be open to seeing me,” all those thoughts that men act like they’re too tough to think but do. He’s unsure if you like him, but at the same time, it’s leaning in the right direction because you took time to say “hello” or responded to something he posted. The unattainable woman who keeps popping up hypnotizes a man. Doesn’t matter who else he’s dating, the fact that he’s known you for a good while now creates a fantasy of “what if,” and the next thing you know he’s checking for you, masturbating to your mental image, and hoping for a green light. At that point, you’ve conquered his mind without him even knowing it.
Rule Two: The Reach Out
Now that the table is set in terms of him thirsting after you, it’s time to use that magnet to bring him to his knees. There are several ways to reach out and test the waters, I’ll give you the easiest method first.
The Single Check = No matter how shy or introverted you are, this is super easy to pull off. You simply wait until he texts you or DMs you like normal and then you drop in a line about his girlfriend. “How come you never post your girlfriend on here,” is an easy response on social media. “How’s the dating life been during the pandemic” if you two are casually chatting via text. “Are you still with such and such” if this is a man who you met and had a girlfriend. What this does is open it up for him to say he does or doesn’t have a girlfriend. Shit, some men may say they have a woman then tell you why he’s unhappy (which is almost the same as being single). No matter his response, it puts it in his mind that you’re asking because you’re interested.
The Ignorant Question = Another great reach out conversation is to pose the question of “why didn’t we ever date” You know the reason most likely, but you have to play dumb and let him answer. A lot of men who have been on the bench or sniffing around for a chance are scared to shoot their shot as they think they’re in the friendzone. To hit him with, “Why didn’t we cross that line” strokes his ego and gives him the green light to now go at you.
The Bold Declaration = One of my friends who told me she shot her shot at her now-husband by simply messaging him, “I’ll be in your city, let’s meet up.” If you’re not afraid and are truly about this Spartan life, then the easiest path to reconnecting is to tell a man you’re free and would like to meet up. These fucking Basicas are so backwards as they would rather recycle dick than swallow their pride and say, “Hey, I was wondering if you were free this weekend,” a man who has been sniffing around you for years likes you. I repeat, a man who has made a point to stay cool with you out of the endless women he meets has a sweet spot for you. With that knowledge, you should always be confident enough to just go for it. The odds of him declining meeting up, especially if you’ve already checked to see if he’s single, are slim to none.
Step Three: Crossing The Boundaries
Have you ever tried to date a close platonic friend? It’s awkward because you’re not sure if the chemistry will be the same and it’s scary because you may never go to go back to being normal friends. This isn’t like that. These associates aren’t true friends. They’re guys on the bench waiting for a shot. In this final step, you have to understand that you need to give him the green light that this isn’t a “friend date” and the boundaries of “we’re homies” have changed if you’re going to make this work.
Once you establish that he’s single and always wanted to take you out (but you were playing games), you have to make your intentions clear. “Well, I’m not playing now, so when are you taking me out?” or “I’ve always liked you, but the timing wasn’t right.” Men pick up on the vibe. No one wants to be the simp who is only taking you out because you’re now bored and lonely, so you have to give him a sign that the feelings are mutual. On the actual date, you can go into the specifics of why it wouldn’t have worked in the past or what you were dealing with when you first met him, but for now, the goal is to let him know that you’re open to going out with him. That puts the ball in his court. If you did the first step right, you will get a date. Where some women fuck up is that they don’t talk to a guy in forever, run into him, flirt, and pop for a date. What happens with this sloppy game is that a man stands you up or makes excuses because he doesn’t believe you are really into him.
“G.L., this guy was DMing me for nearly a year, and the moment I give him a chance, he acts like he doesn’t have time,” because he is wondering what changed and thinks you’re running game on him. Don’t be dense, men, even those who are hungry for you aren’t going to play themselves if you’re moving like it’s a setup or attention grab. Step 1 attracts him to you deeper. Step 2 eases his mind, so by the time you get to this step he is WIDE OPEN. Do these three steps in order, and I guarantee you that it works because I’ve already seen it lead women down the aisle.
Here’s the best thing about reconnecting versus recycling, it’s continuous! The more men you know, the more dates you will get, the more dates you can get, the more men who can earn a spot on your roster. Instead of going back to Justin the bartender because you know he has good dick and will come over when you call, expand your dating options with men who actually have respect for you and want something more than casual sex. This doesn’t mean go through your Facebook friends and message guys you’re not interested in. It means being brave enough to finally go after those men you always liked on the low and give them a chance to audition for the role of your man. The past is filled with great options if you dare to think outside of the box. Bookmark this, and in a few years come back, you just might smile re-reading this because your NOW husband turned out to be someone you already knew!
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