Are you a priority or an option? You can fix your mouth to say you come first, but what does your current situation or past relationship prove? You’re all bark and no bite. You’re all attitude, and no action. After every dating break, every vow of celibacy, or every spiritual cleanse you’re back out here looking foolish because you don’t work on yourself, you just get worked over. Every lie you knew was a lie, you swallowed that shit in the name of love. Every excuse that sounded sketchy, you rolled with in the name of loyalty. You have been taken advantage of because those you deal with know that you’re desperate to be loved and appreciated. Every time you find your voice or try to stand up for yourself, you’re made to seem crazy or dramatic, so you sit down and shut up. You have zero power in your own world because you’re afraid the one person you want won’t want you back once you raise your standards. Someone who gives you “consistent attention” isn’t the prize, they’re the norm when you have standards! You don’t have to worry if someone has your back, they come into your life proving it when you have standards! What standards do you have besides needing someone with a cute face? What do you demand of someone looking to get close to you? You’re low maintenance as fuck. You get open off potential and flirting because despite how smart you are, your insecurities have made you basic!
You think struggle is love. You live your life trying to prove your worth. You won’t ask anyone for anything, you break your back trying to demonstrate your independence, and what do you get as a reward? Someone
telling showing you that you’re not special while expecting you to do favor after favor for them. “I’m this and I do that,” you brag to keep from crying because at the end of the day, nothing you have been doing has gotten you the level of love you put out. The love you unselfishly try to bring to someone else’s life is missing in your own because no one cares enough to put you first. Why should they when you won’t even put yourself first? It’s time to stop trying to make everyone else happy and learn the steps to make yourself complete!
The Low Standard Basicas aren’t the only ones that have been making me shake my head lately, the Fear Basicas are using this time to be even more bitter and lazy. “G.L. I don’t want to get on the dating apps, I can’t find anyone to who isn’t from my past, blah blah blah” All these people on apps that have NEVER been on apps and you don’t even want to browse? All the time you spend on social media and you don’t even want to flirt with someone who catches you attention? It’s not that y’all don’t find anyone attractive or that you think everyone on dating apps is low quality, it’s that even in a pandemic you’re afraid to try and fail! I just saw a relationship develop between a guy in LA and a woman in Vancouver because she didn’t run from this opportunity to step out of her comfort zone. I know a woman how went on virtual dates with two different men over the past few weeks and these dudes are now mailing her gifts. You don’t get effort because you don’t put forth effort!
I’ve gotten more emails over the last few months than anytime in history because this pandemic has put a lot of men and women to the test, and you all are failing. You’re fucking people who you just met, you’re getting ducked by people who were just in your face a few months back, you can’t even get that “friend” to put money in your Venmo just because. Don’t let me get started on the good dozen of you that wrote me about the pro athletes or rappers that are using the hell out of you now that they’re bored with nothing to do. It’s a mess outside and in doors because you all thought that things “changed” because of the ‘Rona. Spartan standards never change, no matter what’s going on in the world! It’s hunting season, especially when it comes to women as all these men from the past or randoms who never bothered to text or DM before are feasting on you.
If you can’t handle aggressive men now, you’re going to get destroyed when the world opens up? Men will be coming at you harder than ever due to cabin fever, saying all kinds of wild shit to get your silly ass open. You can get genuine interest during a time like this and after, but you have to be smart and have strategy, not just blow in the wind with hope! I started writing an article for the members of this site that ballooned into a book, and I’m giving it away to ALL of you because you need to do better!
If you’re not a member sign up so you can get it.
Topics Covered Include:
-Online dating tips and profile creation
-Ex Boyfriends and “friends” trying to come back into your life
-Sexting and phone sex advice
-Keeping someone’s interest via texting or phone calls
-Breaking The Quarantine House dating
-Addressing your own insecurities
-Preparing yourself to date after the lock down ends.
Below is the introduction. I hope it wets your appetite for self-discovery and change…
ME TIME – Spartan Up During Quarantine
Now is the time to reflect, reset, rebuild, and grow. You’ve been told what to do your entire life. A train placed on a track and told to keep moving. Don’t think, keep moving. Don’t question, keep moving. Don’t stop, keep moving. Pay bills, hang out, buy things, find someone to fall in love with that makes the track more bearable. Is that life? Is that what’s been making you happy, circling the track, doing the same shit year in and year out? Remember all those New Year’s resolutions you made? The negative things you were going to change about yourself or the boss moves you were going to make as soon as you had the time? Resolutions rarely stuck because life didn’t slow down and allow you to initiate change, right? That was your excuse—time. Well, here you are. You asked for time, and you received time.
It took a pandemic for you to sit still, and now you have the freedom to evaluate and execute the changes that need to be made in your life. The irony is that for the first few days, you were focused and thankful for the opportunity. Maybe you felt guilty for thinking of your self during a crisis like this, but the list of things you could do to be productive began to build in your head. Workout, get your finances in order, perfect that side hustle, look into online classes; the list that populates during an abundance of free time is infinite. How far did you get before you shut down, sat down, and started complaining about being bored or going crazy? A lot of people need a break, a chance not to do nothing. There’s nothing wrong with sitting alone with your titties out having a drink. But what about the next week?
That little voice in your head calls for action because your soul needs a creative outlet. You’re used to drowning that little voice out, putting plans off, smothering inspiration, and finding creative ways to maintain the status quo of “later.” Let’s say you kick your feet up and chill during this time. How does your life change moving forward? Wait out the storm, return to work, and be thankful that you’re back on the grind? Count down the days until you can take a vacation or hang with people who help distract you from the grind? Go back to dating guys that pick you up and put you back down, hoping that one day you’ll be wifed by a decent one who can save you from the grind? Some people remind you to appreciate what you have, “it could be worse.” They don’t know that you haven’t been happy for a long time. Content, yes, optimistic, at times… but you’re always stressed or seeking a way out of this mundane existence.
You hate the grind; you saw a different future for yourself than this continuous search for happiness. You want more out of life than a paycheck. You hate that the only thing you look forward to is escaping to other cities or getting lost in conversations with other people. You hate these endless dating game, trying to figure out the next silly gimmick to find love. It’s easy to long for what you were doing a few months ago, but when you look deeper, what you were doing was not as incredible as you remember. That doesn’t make you ungrateful, that makes you real.
What have you learned since the quarantine? That women feed their husbands to tigers or that you can lock fifty broken people in pods, and 5% of them will fall in love? Maybe you learned the latest viral dance, that Lil Jon made good songs, or discovered a bomb YouTube makeup channel. Perhaps you put the phone or remote control down long enough to discover something profound about your own life. When you take away your friends or the everyday distractions of going out and keeping yourself busy, you don’t like the person you’ve become. You sit alone with your thoughts, and they give you anxiety because, for the first time in a long time, your thoughts aren’t about where to go, what to eat, or what someone else is doing. Day to day isolation exposed the shallowness of your existence. You weren’t some super extrovert or happy introvert; you were hiding in plain sight from the very thoughts that now fill your days:
“Who am I, and what do I want out of life?”
Work. Consume. Bullshit. Work Consume Bullshit. WorkConsumeBullshit! Hasn’t that song become played out? There’s another virus that’s been going around for years. That virus is called “drifting.” It isn’t airborne; it’s mental. You ignorantly believe that all your problems are external. Your finances are tied to your employers, your employers tied to your education, your education tied to your upbringing, and where you are currently, be it financially or emotionally, isn’t your fault.
Now that you have time to sit and look at the truth of your life, every choice you made determined your current placement in this world. You chose to blame, not problem-solve. You chose to be held back rather than figure out a way to go around. You chose to stay where you felt comfortable, instead of taking a risk on something that you were passionate about doing. The external obstacles of your life felt like walls, but if you stopped to think, then looked around, you would have seen that those walls were connected to doors. Instead, you drifted, you found other people who felt the same as you, complainers and victims who were in the same boat as you or on a lower level, and you created a community.
Those sheep people made life easier to live. You could gossip with them, make fun of them, party with them, and get lost in the haze until that little voice once again crept into your ear, reminding you that there’s more to life. There hasn’t been a week that has gone by where you didn’t think “I should be doing more,” and there wasn’t a week that went by where you didn’t silence those thoughts and go back to the normal routine of your life. You fell asleep at the wheel, now here you are, being shook with a desperate plea to wake up. The world has come to a standstill to get your attention. Are you finally ready to listen?
I’ve been bombarded with emails asking for my help since the quarantine began. The topics have ranged from career, spirituality, and of course, love advice. Some people won’t read the entirety of this because they don’t want real change, they want to get back on that train track, reunite with the sheep people, and keep pretending to be content. Those people that have reached out to me are cut from a different cloth. They crave real change, are determined to use this time to better themselves, and see this obstacle as an opportunity. Are you one those people? Or are you ready to go back to sleep…
Again, members can download this book for FREE = https://farfrombasyc.com/mp-files/dating-during-the-q.pdf/